Keeping Abreast of Things

it was really hot last week, the kind of heat you'd expect to find on the lowest level of the inferno, the level that's below child molesters, advertising executives, and oil company ceo's; the level that's below mass murderers, torturers; the level that's below republicans and .... oh .... ha ha .....

those are all republicans, aren't they?

but it was hot, as hot as the level of hell reserved for "media" people, those corrupt, supercilious, pompous, self-absorbed grandiose fucks who've perpetually filled the troughs, hearts, and minds of the american sheeple with drivel, swill, pap, mush, and a special blend of dust bunnies, caterpillars, banana slugs, robin regurgitant, and rat vomit that comes out under headlines like "Who The Fuck Is Jen????!!!!" and "Brittany's New Diet!!!!!!!" and "Tom Makes PiPi!!!!!!!" and "DooDoo KaKa FehFeh Doodie Mammy WaWa!!!!!!!!"

excuse me; i'm in a fuckuva mood, and i've been here much too long ..... it's not just the heat; i've been riding anyway, much of it off-road riding under a tree canopy that kept me cool while swooping and zooming .... no ..... it's outrage overload ..... i .... i'm .... well ..... i ..... i'm tired ..... i'm tired of the depredations of yet another republican administration that shows every indication of not having to reap the wild whirlwind they've sown: generals paid to make "commentaries" on why unilateral, illegal, immoral invasions of sovereign nations that have posed no threat to us are so great; i'm tired of blackwater, after gunning down twenty-seven iraqis who were on their way to market, securing yet another lucrative state department contract because "no one else can guard us" and not one of those murderers will ever be charged with anything and my dad was in the department of state for years and he never had mercenaries running interference for him and .....

then there's this insanity about cyclones in myanmar and how difficult it is to get aid into the country and how awful those darned ol' generals are and i'm sorry but .... satan's little puppets in the white house did the same shit to new orleans they blocked aid getting in they turned people and goods away they just smiled and screwed The Big Easy to the wall and it didn't seem to be a problem except for the people that had to leave but they ended up in texas and barbara bush kindly noted how good things'd worked out for them why most've 'em'd been on welfare and were used to not working and anyway it's god's will god surely knows what he's doing and it'll come out for the best you wait and see it's just like the tsunami remember the one that ate up most of asia? well that was triple-turbo-slum-clearance to the max why that wave washed away all those little shacks that belonged to all those little people on all those nice beaches and all the aid money that poured into thailand somehow ended up being channeled into building big new hotels on the newly-cleared beachfront property ....

and then there's how well we're winning in iraq and boy we're really winning in afghanistan now and we've lowered the staggeringly high qualifications needed to get into the military so now you can empty some of the prisons and let them go right into the army oh we'll fill the prisons right up again ha ha no shortage of poor people in this country there's more every day and we respect our troops so much that we keep extending their fun times over there it's so much fun that there's no diagnosis for ptsd and a lot of 'em are suiciding but you're not reading about that are you and i think it's time to have another hearing about oil companies making huge profits it's been too long like a couple of weeks and because i don't know about you but i'm paying over four bucks a gallon although that's probably because i'm across the bay from a major refinery and they have to pay a bridge toll they're just passing the cost along to the consumer i love how the market regulates itself i hear that more people are more dissatisfied with airlines now than ever before people are such fucking whiners aren't they? why i've always been happy with the way i get treated when i fly i'm heavily medicated for pain most of the time so i don't mind playing houdini and contorting up into a little ball i'll just pee myself rather than climb over the fourteen farting passengers to stand in line for the metal and toothpaste detector placed in front of the lavatory most people missed and it's all on the floor or in the sink anyway and now airlines are charging to check your baggage jesus christ america why don't you just go fuck yourself and leave me alone!

and i'm sickened by the rush of all these cocksuckers who want to capitalize on the bush fin de siecle and write all the "now it can be told!" stories it's like the fucking national enquirer for christ's fucking sake "epa made political decisions!" "va told not to diagnose with ptsd!" "there were no wmd!" "cheney's aim was off because the quayle shot first!" and meanwhile the "media" plays patty-cake pissy-hissy-fits with the "candidates ...." boy, do we have a choice, or what? it's like the table d'hote menu: you can have rectal cancer, or you can have gonorrhea, or you can have weeping oozing chancres all over your face .....

and you know what really makes me puke intestinal blood across the parquetry? it's these assholes in the "media" who keep saying "harsh interrogation techniques .... harsh techniques ...." just FUCKING SAY TORTURE! it WON'T HURT YOU, not like getting your teeth knocked out with a lead pipe and having electrodes clamped on your genitals and being packed in ice and ...... we know that everyone in our "government" was involved in sanctioning torture: powell; rice; rumsfeldt; cheney and .... yawn .....

wonder what's up with jen?

jeez, i don't know .... you know the wombatalitos--also known as the peter kaukonen trio (two real nice guys and peter) just did a show at an art gallery up in healdsburg .... it was a showing of photographs by baron wollman, one of our all-time great rock photographers .... like i needed to be forcibly reminded, yet one more time, how different a world it was back then .... for one thing, these were photographs shot on real film, that were printed on real paper, using real chemicals, with no photoshop involved! kind of like, we actually played real instruments back then; we couldn't cut-and-paste or use samples of the good stuff that real musicians had done twenty or so years before us .... why .... ha ha ..... we did it ourselves and .... guess this! some of us even .... gasp! wrote melodies!

people seemed to like what we were doing; at least a lot of them said they did, and they did so with no threatening or extortion on my part .... they also asked when and where we were playing next, and i had to say that we hardly were because we couldn't get any work .... they politely expressed disbelief and i had to explain why it was so hard for us to get work .... it took me a long time to figure it out, but i did, and i will now share these learning outcomes with you:

it's because i haven't surgically enhanced my breasts ....

no .... ha ha .... i'm serious, goddam it! i mean, here we are, in a country that dresses their six-year-old daughters up like hookers while telling their teenagers to practice abstinence, a country that seems to be obsessed with mams 'n' glands .... even the women's mags in the supermarket checkout aisles all prominently display vast creamy expanses of pectoral flesh and, maybe not all you ladies out there are dykes but .... you know how in this country we're market driven and you're only given what you want so you must be wantin' to look at other women's tits and ..... the music industry certainly doesn't rely on musical competencies these days, but i look at all the folks who are making it big, success in direct proportion to the size of their brassiere cup .....

so .... i think you know where' i'm going with this ..... and i'm thinking that i can get 'em aerodynamically designed, to maximize air flow while minimizing resistance, on those speedy downhill descents .....

next: dr. pete keeps abreast of the news .....

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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