The Great Erection

wake me when it's over .... are we done yet? can i come out from underneath the bed? guess we'll know about the national erection's results tomorrow, although the "media" likes to announce outcomes early: that short american attention span, you know .... if this is what it takes to have a great erection it's no wonder that viagra's so popular with white american males: we've been in the process for what? two years now? that's a lot of foreplay, and this time the democrats "went along to get along" so's not to sour their chances at the white house; don't want to do anything controversial, you know, like support the bill of rights or the constitution or habeus corpus .... the american people certainly wouldn't go along with that, especially not during a time of war, and i can't remember the last time there wasn't a war because if there isn't a war we'd better start one really quick that's what our economy depends on although this time ha ha maybe we have too much of a good thing? too much war? and not enough economy? thank god violence is down in iraq, thanks to the success of the surge; that killed off everyone that might have been killed by internecine warfare and when there's no one left who can die, then the death rate declines and when there's no one left to kill, then violence declines, too .....

aren't you glad i explained this to you?

it's not as though we shouldn't be afraid, very very very afraid .... if ob*ma gets elected it's due to one or both of two things, and that would of course be the machinations of that dirty far left liberal media which wants us all to become soshalist and spred the welth and they want takses to be razed too ..... the other thing is of course acorn which has not only registered n*groes to vote but mickey mouse too and i don't know about you but i think mickey should get a vote first of all he makes more money than 99.8975% of the people in this cuntry so he should get a lot of votes and i'd vote for mickey; he's infinitely more qualified to be president or vice-president of this country than george bush dan quayle richard nixon sarah palin it seems like you have to be a cartoon character to be a republican candidate at least a puppet so that your jaws move and your arms wave when your strings get pulled .....

honest to god, i'd love to find some liberal media; i've been looking for years now and, like unions and the dodo, it seems to be extinct ....

americans aren't good at learning outcomes, leastways not the ones i'd like to see ..... we learned something from vietnam, but it wasn't about the folly of imperialism; we learned to not show pictures of our dead and wounded; we learned how to really co-opt the media; we learned how to market insanity .... will our republicans learn anything from their implosion? from trying to create a majority out of a strident and psychotic minority? i doubt it; i'm sure we'll see "the killa from wasilla" back in 2012, with the same old, same old stuff about gays and lib'rals and drilling and god wants us all to be as dumb as a bag of hammers and meaner'n snakeshit on a hotplate (mercedes is running advertisements touting their cars as "mean ....." does this say something about america? other than how dumb we are? ooooooooooo that's what i want: a mean car, with twin .50's mounted up front so i can use the 1% doctrine to deal with road rage! bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang .......)

i'm already seeing demands that, even with 85% believing that america is on the wrong track, we move further "to the right ....." etc. etc. etc., yada yada yada, blah blah blah blah blah .....

enough of this nonsense: the boys had a stellar halloween, and it was sheer delight, watching the two of them walk down the darkening streets of my neighborhood in their cowboy costumes that my dearest friend, gary ray--who just died (i miss you gary; i miss you terribly)--gave to them two years ago; chaps and bandannas and cowboy hats and plastic pumpkins for the candy stash swinging swinging swinging .... kalevi is almost three inches taller than daniel now, but they're still a matched set, and their enthusiasm and excitement was boundless ..... they're not quite clear on the halloween protocol: 1) knock; 2) wait; 3) when the door opens say "trick or treat!; 4) don't be republican; don't take more than two candies! 5) say "thank you" and 6) say "happy halloween! ..... it took lots of sotto voce reinforcing, and the "not more than two" rule was pretty hard to reinforce .... still, my boys are goal oriented; as soon as they turned and started bouncing away they'd shriek "MORE CANDY! MORE CANDY! MORE CANDY!" ....

and we'd go on to the next house ......

we don't do sugar and i'm not a real supporter of hyperactivity, so The Pumpkin Bunny came in the middle of the night and culled the candy catch while the boys were sleeping; they didn't really notice, and they've been really nice about sharing it: mommy .... would you like some candy? daddy, can i give you some candy?

i just wish that belgian dark chocolate was part of the halloween catch; american candy is about as nourishing and flavorful and natural as american politics, and that means not very .......

hey, have a great erection .... i mean .... election!

next: dr. pete sees his back doctor .......

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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