Yo! Mama!

nrgghghghghghhhnnnnnn .... nnnnnnnn ..... nnnrgggghhhhhhargargaarggggggggggggg ..... nnngngngngngngngnngggggnnnnnnnnn ...... snort ......

that's the sound of a bear, coming out of hibernation .... that's about the sound i made, pushing aside the dust bunnies and coming out from underneath my bed, knowing that the election was over and that .... ha ha ..... obama won .......

you probably thought that i'd post an immediate editorial, saying something like "BLOW ME YOU SCUMBAG FUCKSNIFFS AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA FUCK YOU YOUR EVIL WAYS ARE REPUDIATED GO FUCK YOURSELF IN THE FACE YOU FUCKING FUCKS" and i may yet churn out some invective to express the gloating exultation of schadenfreude but .... by and large i don't feel all that much better ..... and by and large i haven't really had the oooomph to shriek "YOU LOATHSOME BAGS OF FECES BURN IN HELL FEEL THE HATE FEEL THE HATE FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ....." and if i have to shriek further along here let's save the space and time of my writing out "IF YOU HAD ANY DECENCY OR ANY HONOR YOU'D COMMIT SEPPUKU ON THE STEPS OF THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL I HOPE RATS EAT YOUR FUCKING LIVER FOR A FUCKING ETERNITY" by inserting numbers to represent invective, vituperation, venom, or vitriol:
1) go fuck yourself; 2) burn in hell; 3) rats eat your liver; 4) blow me you fucking scumbags;) 5: eat big gulping mouthfulls of doggie-doodoo and 6: etc. etc. etc. .....

the night the election returns were coming in i had a republican in-law stop by for dinner and stay the night; that i even have a republican in-law, let alone one that stops by for an overnight, should tell you that there's a cosmic sense of irony that's tinged with cruelty .... mind you, i wouldn't waste my breath or time by trying "meaningful dialogue" with someone like that; he's resisted intelligence and analytical thought for years and i doubt very much that i'll be the catalyst that will make him see the error of his ways ..... second, i'd been rehearsing hair trigger responses, should he have tried any republican right-wing nonsense, like "you fucking cocksucker how dare you sully my house with your fucking shit i've got a .45 right here with teflon coated slugs don't fucking mistake me for a liberal now get out of here before i turn you into mulch and fucking compost" but, goddam it, all my fantasy rehearsals were as for naught ....

what did happen was, every now and then i'd pop up and say, hey! mccain's catching up! he's got three electoral votes to obama's 168 .... and what i did hear was shit like, way-ul, he's a-gonna raise yore taxes ....

i had a ready reply for that, too (and you can use it in response to all conservatives), and it was: that's the stupidest fucking thing i've ever fucking heard; how can you be so fucking dumb?" i added that i'd gladly pay a couple hundred bucks more per year to 1) have good roads; 2) have schools and teachers; 3) have healthcare 4) have clean air; 5) have clean water and 6) not have a bunch of lying cocksuckers dragging the country into illegal immoral wars that were bankrupting us financially, spiritually and morally while bankrupting our image world-wide ....

yes, i'd eat bologna sandwiches for a week or two if i could be sure that was going to happen .....

i have to reluctantly say that this election changed my opinion of george bush ..... up 'til now i've thought of him as a psychotic retarded cretinous petulant spoiled murderous sociopathic little shitbag incapable of telling the truth if it came up and nibbled on his shrivelled scrotum but .... i must say--and i'm man enough to admit it when i'm wrong--that i was wrong, and he actually told the truth once, when he said: "ahm a yew-nah-tuh, not a dee-vah-duh ....."

he's such a psychotic retarded cretinous petulant spoiled murderous sociopathic little shitbag that he united the entire united states--and the world--into abominating and abhorring him, with the attendant electoral outcomes .....

of course, mccain ran an admirable and honest and forthright campaign, characterized by integrity and adherence to principles along with his characteristic maverickness .... ngngngngn ..... maverickosity? mavamucousness? mavacuity? mavamavamavamava? someone help me with this word; get it right and you can run palin's 2012 campaign ..... because you and i both know we've not seen the last of the killa from wasilla; she's too dumb and too extreme to cross the street by herself to go shopping at barney's i wonder if any of her clothes are in my local goodwill let's not fuck around a maverick is a horse and you know what you get from horses a lot of horseshit which means she's just right for a republican candidate for high government office ..... and i like the deference and respect the republican candidates showed--and are showing--one another; this tells you so much about how they'll "reach across the aisle" to "join hands with the democrats" to "further the agenda of the american peeple" and "get the country on the right footing again" and "deal with the pressing issues of our time" like "gay marriage" calling each other tender names like "whack job" or "diva ......" and (insert epithets # 1 and # 4 right here .......)

again, one of the few times they've been right .....

the "media," of course, has to manufacture "news," and here's what i really like: i really really really like how "the media" is rushing to interview "the pundits" and find out "what should the republican party do now?"

i wish they'd ask me: here's what they should do--they should:

GO FUCK YOURSELVES! GO EAT SHIT AND DIE! COMMIT SEPPUKU IF YOU HAVE ANY INTEGRITY, HONOR, OR DECENCY! FUCK OFF! I MEAN IT, GO FUCK YOURSELVES! DO IT NOW! DON'T STOP!

and you can insert epithet # 6 right here .....

of course, everyone's got suggestions as to how obama should comport himself, and the concensus seems to be that he needs to move as far to the right as he can so's he can govern by concensus and reach hands across the aisle and join up with the dickheads who have never been right about anything and have never collaborated with the democrats and never will collaborate with the democrats they'll only collaborate with major corporations or arms manufacturers and i wish he'd ask me what i think he should do and here's what i think he should do:

put 'em all on trial for war crimes and crimes against humanity and, when they're found guilty and executed, place their heads on pikes and place the pikes all around the white house ...... do it in time for easter and use the heads for an easter egg roll; wouldn't that look good on television? mmmm?

i guess i'm not shrieking and exulting and baying at the moon because it's not just the republicans: it's the democrats .... we still have that toothless old fuck, harry reid, as well as nancy pelosi, who have consistently provided funds to this republican administration to do whatsoever it has chosen to do, have shown no interest in looking for accountability in this administration, and are tripping over their tiny little johnsons to give lots of money to the auto industry .....

here are recent side-by-side headlines in the new york times: Lobbyists Swarm the Treasury for Piece of Bailout Pie and Obama’s Transition Team Restricts Lobbyists’ Role .....

in another recent paper i read that "credit card, loan firms eyed for bailout program ...." aren't these the guys that saturated the country with easy-to-get no-background-check high interest rate card offers? the guys that, through their lobbyists, rewrote bankruptcy rules so that individuals couldn't get out from underneath their usorious burdens? you know what the american sheeple need? they need lobbyists of their own to ....

oh .... ha ha ..... that's right; congress and the senate were supposed to represent our interests ...... silly me .....

it's nice to say that there was a sea change in the electorate this time around, but i'm not so sure of that ..... in the 2004 election bush got 51% of the popular vote to kerry's 49%; this time around obama got 51% of the popular vote to mccain's 49%; yes, the electoral vote tally was way different, but when i look at the red/blue map of how this country voted it looks like the midsection of the united states is hemorrhaging red ..... i add to that the people who were "undecided" the day before the election; how can you honestly be "undecided?" what could they have been waiting for? i add to that the success of proposition 8 in california; its passage was facilitated by minorities who--in the great american tradition--needed to slam the ham to an even more minor minority ......

i can't balance the myth that "the surge" is working and that violence in iraq is down to the reports of carnage and slaughter in baghdad .... i'm dumbfounded that the cost of our illegal immoral wars was never a factor in our presidential "debates," neither has the cost of our illegal immoral wars been part of the analyses of our economic meltdown and the cost of recovery, just as i'm slackjawed with disbelief that the "bush legacy" will be secured by how gracious he is in facilitating this electoral transition; i'll believe it two years after it's over: i'm waiting for him to short sheet the beds, glue the toilet paper rolls together, and stop up the toilets ..... and .... and .....

i'd hazard a guess that if there are hearings about malfeasance and breach of trust and overweaning scumbaggery on the part of the bush "administration," that's all they'll be ..... just hearings .... first we'll hear this, then we'll hear that, then we'll hear a little bit more, and there won't be any trials and there won't be any convictions and the rule of law will go into the toxic waste dump underneath yucca mountain and bush'll pardon everyone anyway and then he'll claim executive privilige and national security after he's out of office and that fucking lieberman'll still be strutting around the corridors of power and .....

hey! can you spread some of that 700 billion my way?

my records aren't selling .......

next: dr. pete gets a bailout

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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