The Bridge On The River Why

every now and then i indulge in a total fantasy world, one in which the "main stream llib'ral media" comes out of the closet and does it just like the nashinul inkwirer, and we'd see the knee jerk times with headlines like "dems to bush: fuck you, bitch!"

but ... ha ha .... that's just a fantasy .... oh, not about the quality of the "mayne streem meedya," or its "orientation," so to speak .... the fantasy is that democrats would "get tough;" would "stand up" to the weakest and most despised president we've ever had; would "do their jobs" as their "constituencies wanted them to," but .... ha ha ..... they just "caved in" to george on warrantless spying .... again .... because he might've made 'em stay in washington where they'd have to pretend to be "working" on "affairs of state," when they could be going out on their month-long vacation ....

or .... gasp! bush might say that democrats were "soft on terror!"

oooooooo ...... eeeeeeee ....... eeeeeeeeeekkkkkk! please, mr. bush! please! pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease! don't do that! i'll do anything you want, like i've been doing for the last six years just so's you don't say ..... gasp! i'm weak on terror!

now can i go on my vacation and get my kickbacks from the energy consortium and the arms manufacturers?

at least things are getting better in iraq .... ha ha .... no .... i mean it .... i'm deadly serious ..... why, iraq and the united states are about neck and neck in the freedom and quality of life free-for-all right now ..... the iraqi government's gone out for a two month vacation while our politicians are going out for a month .... well, okay .... they've got the edge on us there, but ..... we've known for years that americans don't take as much vacation time as europeans and others do ..... maybe we'll catch up to 'em some day .....

still we're right up there with 'em, infrastructure-wise ..... see, iraqis no longer have electricity or running water unless it's the sewage or blood that runs down the streets and they don't have health care because hospitals need electricity and all the doctors have left the country and the schools are shut down but hey our schools suck and we don't fund them any more and we don't provide health care to a lot of amurkans and as for our infrastructure like schools and dams and highways and bridges .... ha ha ..... it's collapsing, isn't it?

were our bridges privatized and turned over to halliburton? did i miss that somehow? at least it proves one of the favorite conservative talking points, the one that's right up there with "lib'ral women just love to have sex so they can pregnant and then kill the fetus" and that favorite talking point is:

government doesn't work ......

now i know you're thinking shit, they're right about that as far as the bush administration goes and you might just have a point there: the reason we know that is because the bridge up there in minnesota collapsed and the reason it collapsed is because funding for repairs was shut down by bush and his cohorts when they were told that there were structural problems with the bridge like they were told "bin laden determined to strike in the united states" and you know how they responded to that which just goes to show you that big government doesn't work and it should all be shut down and privatized because as we can tell by how effective the "hunt for bin laden's been" and how effective the rebuilding in iraq has been, well, corporations'd do a great job and ..... it's just shocking and awesome, you know? i mean, how effective it's been?

and then i saw that bush went up there to pray 'n' sympathate 'n' compassionize with the pore peeple up there and i wondered, which god would he be praying to? the one that knocked the bridge down in the first place? and if that's so, what is he praying for?

that gawd knocks down other bridges too? so halliburton, that grand old american company, can come out of dubai to rebuild 'em? so senator stevens (r. alaska) can earmark 254 million dollars to build a bridge that'll link up an island with 32 people on it?

yessir, no dollar left behind .....

one thing is sure: it's the democrats who let that bridge fall down, and they did it because they're soft on terrrer 'n' they won't give bush all the money he needs to be tough on terror and i sure would like to have a beer with ol' george, he sure is a nice guy ....

and honest, too ......

meanwhile, the washington pest says that "The Pentagon has lost track of about 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols given to Iraqi security forces in 2004 and 2005 ....." i think i've got an idea where they might be .... ha ha ..... but thank god for responsible people in our government and military ..... oh, i know; this ain't nuthin' compared to the eight billion dollars, shrink wrapped on pallets, that came up missing a while back ..... or the 360 tons of high explosives that disappeared but are now swimming back into ken via the iud's .... i mean .... ied's ..... but they might as well be iud's because if you've had your nuts or pussy blown off by high explosive you're not having any children, are you?

ha ha ..... bad joke, dr. pete; bad joke!

ha ha .......

today's knee jerk times has an article by a proponent of illegally amorally unilaterally invading a soverign nation who says things like gee, if only we'd known then what we know now things woulda been different and boy, maybe things aren't turning out so really good over there and maybe those darned iraqis better step up to the plate like barry bonds who's just extra large and cleans his plate before he eats his dessert, that's why his arms are so big i sure love baseball it's such an honest game, like football and those darned french in the tour de frantz they take a lot of drugs for bicycling don't they they're so dishonest it's just shameful, being french .....

and you know what i thought?

i thought that i'd sure like some of those drugs that they're taking in the tour de france; i've been hill climbing all last week, getting ready for a week-long off-road bicycle trip, and my legs sure are tired and i almost couldn't make it up the last eight hundred foot climb over scree ......

scree ..... that's what i say every time i read the knee jerk times: screeee! screeee! SCREEEEEEEEE! fuckin' SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now don't you go thinking that i'm just being negative, because i'm not: i have located the silver lining on the storm clouds of shit and found the hershey's kisses in the cat box .... and it has to do with religion and morality, and i'm glad to say that the bush administration is bringing us back to some of the fundamental morality that a deep and abiding faith can bring, because the bush administration is goin' back to the sacred principles of the spanish inquisition ..... yes, faith based policies that are based on imprisonment and torture and mass murder and .....

oh, i just can't go on .... write me a letter if you need clarification here .....

the other positive outcome is, this new spy-on-america stuff that the democrats went along with because it's only for six months .... ha ha .... and you just wait and see, in six months thanks to cloning they'll all have grown balls including nancy pelosi and hillary clinton and they can tell everyone how tough they are and in the upcoming debates they'll show you how tough they are they'll all bring their own puppies and they'll throttle them live on camera and suck puppy brains out puppy asshole and i don't want to tell you what they'll do to the kittens they bring to show how tough they are and it's just a taste of what they'd do to al quaeda but the new spy program has to be cleared by the attorney general and that's fredo gonzales and it doesn't matter what he hears you say .....

he won't be able to remember it ......

next: musical updates

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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