Deer Diary

oh, dear diary! it's been such a long time that i scarcely know where to begin so's we can catch up! well .... let's see:

the boys were very excited about christmas ... and hanukkah .... and their birthday, which is three days before christmas; they may not be fully appreciative of the more spiritual aspects of the holiday season--for that matter, i'm not sure that anyone is, but .... i took out a new sub-prime mortgage on the house i've owned for years just so's i could get 'em the presents they were clamoring for; they didn't clamor for anything specific, there was just a lot of clamor, and the clamoring was for presents, period .... they're very bright boys and they've integrated the basic tenet of life in america, which is: "GIMME .... I WAN' IT ..... GIMME GIMME GIMME! WAN'IT WAN'IT WAN'IT!!!! .......GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME EVERYTHING! NOW!"

it's distressing that they've become so american; my god, greed was running rampant at home and then i'd read the "news:" ..... wall street; bail-outs; madoff; bail-outs; detroit: greed running rampant on an olympian scale by americans who are infantile in their egocentricity and solipsism and narcissism and greed and sociopathy and who and want more more and more and more and we may well be reaching the point where there isn't any "more" to go around, but then .... maybe there never was, not with the hoarding at the top .... our institutions, our banks, our corporations are paragons of greed and ineptitude and infantile whining and hoarding--the .... ha ha .... excuse me .... ha ha .... "economic bailout" ..... ha ha .... is no exception, a greedfest at the trough of public money gone private, money gained and hoarded by institutions whose application form for getting largesse--and i'm not making this up--was two pages long and don't you wish you could buy a car or a house with a two page application? ..... getting a couple billion dollars gets done in an application process that parallels the inanity of the seventy-five questions asked of sarah palin to determine her suitability for the government she'd have been an aging man's heartbeat away from leading ..... those question must have included "does this shoe go on the right foot? or the left foot?" "do you want to shop at barney's? or neiman marcus? or both?" and "john's just fallen down and is making choking sounds! do you administer cpr? dial 911? or both?" (the correct answer was "no") ......

i have to keep reminding my wife and myself that the boys are still at an age where they're just as happy playing with the boxes things come in as they are playing with the things themselves; in fact, they didn't want to play with anything that they'd just yanked out of wrapping paper: they just wanted to shred more paper and rip open more boxes ..... the process of getting christmas presents for them wasn't finite; it was a process that didn't want to be over ..... why, my boys at christmas were kind of like our "wars" in iraq and afghanistan, a process without the possibility of a finite ending; wars, especially such spurious ones as we've undertaken, are not like football games where the clock stops and you look at the scoreboard and there's a winner and there's a loser and then everyone gets drunk in the parking lot or goes home; there isn't going to be a point where suddenly tinkerbell flies across the screen waving her magic wand, pixie dust drips slowly down the alabaster sky and ALAKAZAM! suddenly no more cars are exploding and everyone's got running water and there's electricity on around the clock and there are medications in the hospitals and all the troops are home and they have jobs and their marriages are intact and no one has PTSD and there's a new and vital industry that turns depleted uranium into bikini briefs and cut-out brassieres .....

then again, i don't see much in the "news" these days about afghanimastan or eye-rak .....

in fact i don't see much difference between this, the new year, and the old one; we ended the old year with israel blockading the palestinians and started the new year with the israelis invading and bombing the palestinians .... when israel first blockaded gaza, shutting off food and medical supplies, the first thing i thought was "warsaw .... warsaw ghetto ...." that was what--four weeks ago? and it's been an exponential escalation since then .... today's playoff score was .... mmmmm ...... 900 palestinians dead to 14 israelis, four of whom were snuffed out in a friendly fire incident .... that's a pretty good ratio, wouldn't you say? fourteen to .... well, let me back up here a moment: ten into 900 comes out to ninety palestinians for every israeli soldier, and all the women and children that were killed in schools were really terrorists in drag ....

this kind of math is so reminiscent of--and it's like vomiting up my gall bladder to say this shit--the germans in warsaw--or any other place where one german soldier'd get whacked resulting in the extermination of an entire village .... the germans thought small; the israelis have learned to supersize: that's what associating with republicans'll do to you, you'll go for cities, you'll nail entire civilian population centers, and you know that these blockades, these unilateral invasions a la the bush doctrine, these assaults on civilians and united nations workers and hospitals oops so sorry our bad but our intentions are good we're humanitarian and just protecting our freedoms could never occur without tacit american involvement and approval, and the timing to coincide with the inaugaration of a new president is no accident .....

i just haven't had the heart to write anything of late; i'd start, put my head in my hands, and whimper softly before inserting my narcotic drip into the cubital artery .... first of all, you can about predict what i'm going to say, except that sometimes i use larger words than most people--as someone who's done postgraduate work i get to use words like "poo-poo head and ass-sniffing scumbags;" second of all, i wanted to see if santa was really going to bring me what i wanted for christmas: an indication that the rule of law would actually enter 1600 pennsylvania avenue, shining its bright light in musty dark corridors where only furtive creepy crawly things have skulked and slunk, where the ghastly ichor from tortured prisoners .... excuse me; i meant "terrorists from whom information was extracted using 'harsh techniques' that have ensured the safety of the american people from savage attacks so they could be ass-fucked and plundered by large corporations who then got billions of taxpayer dollars gifted to them because they fucked up but we don't want to look backwards we really need to look ahead so we're certainly not going to hold anyone there accountable" smears the walls like graffiti painted by psychotic homicidal republican vice-presidents and .....

no, really: torturing shepherds and taxi drivers has really been instrumental in keeping americans safe from being attacked by whack jobs carrying box cutters, neither have i seen pigs fly by my window, nor have elephants in pink tutus sashayed up and down the street in front of my house, so i'm thinking that the abrogation of our civil liberties and the defiling of the constituion have all been worthwhile ....

oh, santa; what i really wanted for christmas was an indication, any kind of hint, that president-elect obama'd actually institute proceedings, any kind of proceedings, that might hold at least one person from this "administration" accountable for ..... mmmmm ..... well, take your pick: torture; kidnapping; robbery; murder; buggery; sex with dogs; anal sex with sea cucumbers; soliciting policement in airport bathroom stalls; being a lying dickwad, poo-poo head, or ass-sniffing scumbag .....

i don't see it happening, and it really makes me ill ..... reading the "news" these days is like reading the menu at the international house of pancakes, what with all the waffling going on you know it's going to be about more of the same: the taxi drives in gitmo'll die of old age, we're not in bid'ness to go out of bid'ness; we're not in iraq to get out of iraq; in spite of all the rhetoric that stirred us up in "the run up to the election ...." only they're going light on the syrup because, let's face it, they'll be in office and i won't, and neither will you, so they don't have to sugar coat anything any more .....

meanwhile, the democratic party never fails to fail; they're going to prove how incredibly buy-partisan they are by attacking one another--funny how, like a savagely beaten dog, they'll roll on their back and expose their mangy bellies to any republican that comes along, but they'll turn savage when they attack one another: first it's burris as senator from illinois, then it's panetta as director of the cia .... ooooooo; panetta can't be head of the cia--he's got no intelligence experience ..... which makes me laugh because i haven't seen a whole lot of intelligence coming from anyone in the cia .... or the senate .... or ..... or ......

so it just gets hard to editorialize; i'd rather be playing music and telling you about it .... i'd rather be out sprinting up and bombing down steep hills in what is unseasonably gorgeous spring-like weather, and global climate change be damned--do you want to hear how beautiful it is, up on the mountain? bagging coastal views that stretch for miles and miles and miles? hucking three foot drops? skidding through turns? or ..... how about the new music i'm working on?

how about the old music that no one's buying?

next: dr. pete gets a job

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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