Hey, Honey .... Pass Me The Pork

today's aol, always a benchmark in cretinism, retardation, and retrograde republican shit, said something about bush no longer being "the decider," but rather is now "the one who makes decisions ...."

i guess it depends on what your definition of "is" is .....

mine is, he's a "fucking shithead ...... "

this 'news' article went on to say that bush asked people not to be critical of his "new plan" until they'd given it a "chance to work ....."

hey, he's right; six years of "fucking the country" and "the world" in "the ass" isn't "chance enough;" i'm sure he's going to get "it" "right" now ......

i mean, who are we, mere citizens of an "electoral democracy," who "expressed their displeasure" in "national elections" all of "last february," to be critical? we are, after all, merely the "little people," who may know "some things," but probably don't know things that we don't know, even though we might guess at knowing other things that we might not know, so we could be confounded by those darned old "known unknowns" not to mention those "unknown unknowns ..... "

and hey, wasn't february a long time ago? we should let bygones be bygones, reach out "across the aisle," engage in "bipartisanship," and "look ahead," rather than dwell on the "bitterness" and "negativity" of the past ......

only a "democratic" or a "jew" or a "lib'ral" or a "commie homosessual" would want to wallow in such negativity when they could engage in "healing" the "nation ...."

i'm real glad that our "democratics," emerging victorious from the "national election" way back when, can now concentrate on "forming committees" to "determine if they're" "presidential material" who can "waste our fucking time" over "the next two years" as they gear up for another "election" they're bound to lose .....

but that's "me ....." i'm sure i'm just ......

"being negative ....."

did you want to talk about the "state of the union?" that was a "long time ago," by our "national attention span," and i thought we ought to "move on" and not "dwell in darkness," but .....

i thought i'd try and "listen" to it; i had some "bets running" on how many times we'd get to hear "terr'r" and "democracy" and "freedom" and "9/11" ..... but it was "hard" for me; it was "difficult" and it was "hard" and it was "painful" and it was rilly rilly "hard work ......"

i expected vapidity; i anticipated empty rhetoric; i foresaw shallow, empty homilies; i knew my intelligence'd be insulted; i feared the onslaught of inanities; i visualized the carpet-bombing of non-sequiturs from the non compos .... i knew that i'd be plunging my head into the "diaper pail" for fresh air and blessed relief from the stench of the "vaporous utterances" that'd "spew forth" from that shithead's mouth, but .....

i couldn't stomach it, i really couldn't ..... there's something about grown men and women, leaping to their feet with pavlovian alacrity, as though electrical charges were sent coursing through their chairs and thence through their flaccid buttocks; grown men and women, shrieking and hollering and clapping for blathering inanities, for mindless natter, for contentless slobber, who scissor their hands in the air and clap madly when .....

there's nothing there ....

but, god, there was a lot of it .....

of course, i don't have television, so missed the visual cues; i'm sure that would have put "it" all into "perspective," and i would have "understood" the "phenomenon;" nay .... would even have "leaped to my fucking feet" and "joined in ......"

or maybe just for the sheer relief of watching the glistening sheen of saliva coursing down "his" chin, sparkling like the regal diadems of an enduring monarchy, the relief that "he" wasn't choking on his own drool ......

you see ..... you can teach an old "dog" new "tricks ...."

then, of course, there were the perfunctory references to "reform ....." every time you hear the word "reform" you'd better grit your teeth, gird your loins, and kiss it all goodbye, because that's as much foreplay as you're ever going to get before you're bent over, tied up in a bundle, and "driven home ..... " yes, "he" said: we still need to "reform" social security" and "medicare" and "medicaid" and we need to make suing doctors who fuck you up illegal because that's just a waste of the courts' time and he didn't say "frivolous," he said something else that i can't remember, and don't even get me started on health care in america, let alone insurance or the lack thereof, i mean, i've got insurance and i'm glad i do, but what's this about anaesthetic not being covered by my policy, why, i don't want to pay out-of-pocket for this shit, so the next time i get a shoulder replaced, you know, where the doc's in there rooting around for six hours, sawing up and discarding bone, gluing in some nice, new titanium, then redoing it because he didn't like the way it fit together, i'm going to say, hell, no, not me, i'm going to tough this baby out .....

i'm gong to just say "no" to "drugs ......"

and then "he" said something about "tax cuts" like that was a "big surprise" all right, like "he" could let five minutes go by without lobbying for another fucking tax cut, because we needed to "something" "something" "something" about the "hunger of the federal government ...."

yessir, that darned old hungry fed'ral gummint ..... boy, that mother'll just take your money and build roads and schools and hospitals but i think that could all be done better by "private corporations" who work in "the free marketplace," on a "level" "playing" "field," like halliburton, and haven't they done a great job with all the money they got, putting together places like "baghdad" and "new orleans?" not that there was any "mention" of "new orleans" in this speech, even though "he" did extol the virtues of the creator of "baby einstein," which is understandable, it'll appeal to the "intelligence" of someone who got lamped blind by "the pet goat" on september 11, when planes were flying into tall buildings, and even if i had a television i wouldn't want my kids watching shit like that because i don't think recognizing corporate logos to be a vital life skill ..... and, of course, the republicans didn't pass a budget last year, so it's up to the "democratics" to scramble to create one in a "friendly bipartisan atmosphere" and none of the "money" that's being "spent" to "improve" the "lot of the iraqis," and there's a "lot" of 'em has been budgeted, that just comes from george stickin' out his "hand" and sayin', "gimmee some more and gimmee it now ..... you wanna support the troops, doncha?"

well ..... i'm sure that, right about "now," you're saying, what's the point, doctor pete? what's the "fucking point?"

there's a lot of points, but let me just chew up this crunchy ritalin candy bar here and focus in on one ..... let's focus in on how tragically badly we're being served by our media ..... we've been badly served for years, it doesn't appear to be getting any better, and the service seems to go down party lines .... we have republocrats saying, well, don't criticize the "president's" "plan" until you offer an "alternative ...."

do you think that a "fearless journalist" could ask one of these wang-biters, so, senator crank-nibbler .... what was the iraq study group? didn't they have a ninety-seven point plan? that the "president" was gong to "study?" or did the "dog" eat his "homework?"

bad dog, barney! bad dog! you do that agin' an' it's off ta gitmo with ya! an' barney? alberto say that the constitution? it don't have no guarantees of habyas corp-ass ......

there are so many myths and confabulations that get endlessly repeated, under the rubric of "lies become believable with repetition," and no "liberal" or "democratic" or "progressive" will call the press out on their spinning horseshit into straw .....

just the other day national pentagon radio was talking about our "highly trained security personnel" who used to be called "screeners" because the local convenience store had found them unqualified and how "collective bargaining," e.g., "unions" wouldn't be any good for those "valuable employees," especially in the "aftermath" of the "liquid terror plot ....."

there was never any liquid terror plot ..... there were some nim-nums and psychotic dreamers about whom any number of credible sources and scientists noted that you'd need heavy equipment and seven hours in an airplane lavatory to create a binary explosive liquid, which would probably not go unnoticed ..... but you didn't hear that on hardball, did you? you didn't hear that on the o'reilly fucktor, did you? so .... you're stuck with having to check your shampoo, because a compliant and well-trained population, one that tolerates and even encourages the abrogations of their liberties, is a docile population that will swallow the poison pill and schlorp down the kool-aid .....

and our media will pour it out of that frosty pitcher, with the little happy face drawn into the frost beads, into your nice little paper cup .....

and anyone who questions that hates our freedoms, even as the rest of us chuck our freedoms into the toxic sludge behind a giant hog farm ......

next: dr. pete eats kosher bacon

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

1 Comment

Nick aka "Enfield" says:

"The American fascist would prefer not to use violence. His method is to poison the channels of public information."

Henry A. Wallace 1948(Or there-abouts)

Submitted by Nick aka "Enfield" on Wed, 07/16/2014 - 14:17

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