Pour Some Sugar On Me

hi, boys and girls .... last time we read that great american classic, "fun with dick and jane ...." god, how our hearts thrilled to those timeless words: "run, dick, run; see dick spot; see jane spot; spot, jane, spot; spot, dick, spot ..... "

it's a good thing i'm not a candidate for office in this mid-term election ... some republican fuck'd find out that i'd written a book and excoriate me for having done so .... especially with all the sexual references ..... you know, "dick;" "spot;" "run;" "come ....."

i'm way past thinking of republicans as "hypocrites;" they sully the word .... why, these are the people that have brought you iraq, with its concommitant costs of men and women and yes, money, too .... these are the people that blithely lied about the murders of 600,000 iraqis, the deaths of 2,800 .... no, 2,802 .... no, i meant 2,804 .... shit, it's 2,812 .... goddamn, it's .... the president cain't count that hah 'coz he run out of fingers 'n' tose .... americans ....

these are the people that are filling under- and un-funded hospital wards with the brain damaged and brain dead, and bill frist isn't visiting them or giving them the benediction of his long-distance diagnosis ....

these are the people that have disappeared a couple of trillion dollars into the sandy wastes of iraq, the coffers of kellog, brown, and root, and the vaults in dick cheney's secret undisclosed but oh so secure locaiton ....

a trillion here, a quarter of a million there .... lives wasted, money pissed away .... who really gives a fuck? no one, not in this election ....

you know, why would anyone expect polite, relevant, or intelligent discourse from mass murderers? why would people who steal elections and murder children observe the tenets of emily post, or the niceties of "roberts' rules of order?"

i don't, and you shouldn't, either ....

i expected the usual garbage and filth and slime; the quotidien grave robbing and corpse fucking--after, of course, bagging the pennies that were placed on the eyes of the deceased....

i expected racism and sexism; i expected lies piled upon lies piled on horseshit and confabulation from quintessentially evil cocksuckers ....

i expected allegations to be endless, offensive, insulting, odious, and moronic ....

and i have not been disappointed ... oh, the republicans have not let me down ....

but i've got to say, i never imagined, not in my wildest, most feverish dreams, that a democrat'd be pilloried for .....

writing a book .....

ooooooooo ......... the country's going broke, our soldiers are getting the shit shot out of them, eight billion dollars and god knows how many weapons just .... mmmm .... disappeared in the vast sandy wastes of iraq .... but what's really alarming is ..... somebody wrote a book .....

a candidate for public office wrote a fucking book ....

jesus h. fuck ....

y'all wanna know what makes it rilly rilly rilly bad?

i think this man mighta gone'n said "pussy" in the book .....

you know, when i'm looting iraq; when i'm plundering the treasury of the yew-nahted states of amurka; when i'm war profiteerin', i wanna be concentratin' on the task at hand .... i just don't wanna be thinkin' 'bout no pussy .... 'n' y'all shouldn't neither .....

jeesus h. fuck ....

i can't even pretend to be clever or witty about this; there's nothing clever or witty that'll break through the absolute disgust i feel for these abhorrent creatures and what they bring to the democratic process ....

whoremongers who are fucking democracy; who have raped two nations; who assfuck our sensibilities, day after day after day; whose shrivelled member is coated with the blood and anal slime of lady liberty's cringing sphincter; whose hands are crusted with the blood of tens of thousands of the dead, and the death of an american city ....

they don't want to read the word "pussy ...."

fuck you, you cunts .....

now, under the rubric of "fair 'n' balanced," our fearless coterie of investigative journalists'll subject us to a litany of all the steamy books republicans have written ... oh, yes: lynne cheney; scooter lbby; bill o'reilly; g. gordon liddy; charles colson; when they're not engaged in anal rape of the statue of liberty they're writing bad porn ..... the list goes on and on and on, and i really couldn't give a fuck ....

i didn't know these crotch huffers could even read .....

i guess that's where the republican accusations'll go next: mah opponent rayud a book! he rayuds .... an' it ain't the bahbul, the book that he rayuds .... it's got words in it .... 'n' you know how them terrorists love to use words!

unlike that thing in the white house, who has a real way with words .... oh yes it does ......

cut and run this, you bitch ....

hey, george: what was the last book y'all read? mah pay-ut go-ut?

the book that was so compelling, so .... engaging and involving ..... that you kept on readin' it even as planes were flyin' into tall bildins?

tonight's halloween .....

you should be very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very afraid .....

afraid that the republicans'll steal yet another election .......

and then .....

you should be very very very very very very very very very very very very afraid .....

that, if the democrats take over the house and the senate, it won't make any fucking difference ....

next: dr. pete tries to cut his throat with an electric razor