Hairballs 'R' Us

it's hard to maintain the sense of outrage one needs to navigate the news and our lunar political landscape; it's tiring, it takes a lot of energy, and it's not for lack of trying ..... there's no shortage of the outrageous in our "news," but there's little outrage expressed by our "media," unless it's focused its glassy obtunded eye on something like john edward's haircut ..... i don't know shit about edward's haircut, and why would i? i don't do tv .... but hey, you shallow fuck-eating assholes: if you want to trip on haircuts, there's no shortage of strange on our politicians' heads, and certainly no shortage of strange inside them ..... really, what is up with the silvery poufy bouffant-kind of comb-with-a-rake hair-do that looks like it's shellacked into place and has nothing to do with anything i've ever seen in the real world and, if i did, i'd fucking shoot it .....

do you have to be a puppet and a howdy doody lookalike to be a politician?

or is it just enough to be an asshole?

it's tiring, it's depressing, and it must be part of a concerted effort of a brutal, repressive theocratic kleptocracy to use operant conditioning to desensitize me into the state of learned helplessness that martin seligman wrote about, way back when .... oh, marty; what a fun-lovin' guy he was ..... he'd take dogs and chuck 'em onto an electric grid, where they were subjected to random shocks, kind of like the poor fucks in guantanamo, abu ghraib, bhagram, and the other one-hundred-and-nineteen black holes we have for dumping the people we kidnap and then don't know what to do with, other than just keep 'em there for years, or until we just kill them ... as for the dogs, there was no correlation between behaviors and shocking incidences, so there was nothing the dogs could do to predict or prevent their asshairs getting singed ......

shocking incidences .... it's like a fucking headline in the national enquirer .......

anyway, the dogs ..... they ended up by giving up, lying down in the center of the enclosure, curled up, listeless, drooping, eyes rheumy and runny, fur matted with feces, peeing and shitting and cringing and shivering and moaning ever so gently ..... just like i do every time i think of george tush and how 64% of the american sheeple think his aphasia is charming ..... hey! our president babbles incoherently, is completely tangential, circumlocuitous, prone to word salad, and is a total dipshit ..... makes me proud, alright .... sure, guys; there's nothing i find more delightful than to toss back a few carb-free shit-lite beers with the downs syndrome cohort of the republican party, as though there were any other .... yeah, baby; that's what i want as the figurehead of my gummint, a thought-disordered, amoral, sociopathic cretinous retarded homunculus fuck who can't even stay on script, not even when the teleprompters are glaring and flashing at him ..... it's no wonder republicans like to have actors as their primary candidates; they just need someone to play the part of president, reciting garbage, drivel, and trash calculated to resonate deeply within the fibrillating heart of america ....

honest to fuck, i just can't get it up any more, not when i continue to see the smirking, vapid face of fredo, our attorney general ..... what a fucking tool: "i'm sorry senator .... i ..... i can't remember ..... " there's another primary qualifier for republican office: alzheimer's ..... reagan was the poster child for alzheimer's and senescence, and how many times did the coyote wannabes invoke his name at the "republican debate" held at the "reagan library" as part of their bona fides? what the fuck is in the reagan library, anyway? the complete collection of casper the friendly ghost comics? the original manuscript of "bedtime for bonzo?"

it just blows my fucking mind, that there's this much corpsefucking going on as part of "the runup to the war ...." i mean, "the runup to the 2008 lottery ...." no! no! i mean, the erection .... no! no! sure, there are a lot of dicks, but they're all limp and flaccid and shrivelled and i meant the election, goddam it ..... "oh, we've got to return to the golden days of ronald reagan" ...... oh, you mean more illegal arms deals? invasions of helpless countries? is there still a savings and loan industry that a bush can loot and destroy? is there a plague we can turn a blind eye to, like ronnie did for AIDS? or is it just enough to ignore the genocide in darfur as well as what we're perpetrating in iraq and new orleans ..... the "debate" rhetoric was staggering and vacuous ..... policy was reduced to "we gotta stand tall 'n' stan' together ' and stand united ...." i think the point of too much too soon is to so stultify the marginally thinking electorate that they just die of fucking ennui before their votes are ever suborned by the republican party .....

these creatures, these night crawlers ..... they cornhole cadavers ..... richard perle has yet another front page article on today's washington post ..... at least he's consistent: this mass-murdering asshole has never gotten anything right, but hey, he's calling the tune, and i don't know why ...... oh .... it's the american way: being republican means never having to say you're sorry .... all the apologists and mouthpieces are, in essence, stating that four years of inept, corrupt, incompetent, and failed polices need to be tolerated for just a few more months so we can evaluate whether they're working or not ..... and then they'll need a few more months, then a few more months, then a few more months, then a few more months ..... and then, they'll steal another election, halliburton's already moved to dubya .... i meant, dubai ..... and who gives a fuck?

mission accomplished: gas, $3.50 a pop .....

mission accomplished: demolished habeus corpus

mission accomplished: privatized the iraqi oil fields

mission accomplished: god's so antagonized He unleashed His Righteous Fury on Kansas with An Elemental Storm; is this because two guys were kissin' someplace? ......

i know it seems like a long time ago, america, but ..... in november of 2006, which is all of six months, all of one-half-year ago, there was an election ..... and in that election 67% of the electorate indicated their .... mmmmm ..... dissatisfaction with the bush regime and its handling of the invasion and occupation; please note that this abbatoir cannot be dignified with the term "war ......" if my memory serves me well, the american people spoke, and they said, "cut it the fuck out ..... and get the fuck out of iraq ..... stop wasting our money, stop killing our children ..... stop killing their children ....." and the republican response has been as autocratic, as psychotic, as contemptuous, and as insulting as adolf's meat tenderizer could come up with ..... the response has been, ha ha, assholes ..... okay, you've told us you're not satisfied with how things're goin' .... shucks, we ain't too happy, neither ..... tell ya what; we'll change tactics 'n' stratumgies 'n' say we'll put in 25,000 more lightbulbs ..... we mean, "troops ....." but ha ha ...... we're really gonna put in at least 50,000 more 'coz we do enron accountin' 'n' we've extended ever'one's time over there 'n' if you're gonna get hurt, make sure you get killed, 'coz ya shore don' wanna come back here wit' one o' they haid woondz 'n' yada yada yada yada ......

ha ha ha ...... ha ha ha .......

remember, now: if'n we were to withdraw from eye-rak, it'd dissolve into chaos ..... nosirree, shore woun't want that, 'n' how couldja tell the difference?

jesus christ; you'd think any self respecting electorate would take to the streets and start burning cars .......

those iraqis, they sure have things in perspective .... i see that the goverment's going on a two-month long vacation ...... boy, there's democracy in action for you; they must have learned this from bush and the republican congress ...... too bad there's no brush fer 'em to clear out on them thar sand dunes ..... maybe they could clear some of the rubble from the streets?

fuck ..... just put howdy doody in office; i'd have a beer with him any old day ......

next: dr. pete meets buffalo bob

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

2 Comments

Scarlet says:

Hey Dr. Pete;

"do you have to be a puppet and a howdy doody lookalike to be a politician?"

The above question is the perfect answer.

And, if Howdy Doody himself would just run for something...........the U.S.A. would be much better off!

Submitted by Scarlet on Wed, 07/16/2014 - 11:57
Steve shaw says:

Here in the great midwest gas prices are the highest I have ever seen in my fity three yrs on the planet. Seems like someone is for sure enough getting a big ole bankroll on our expense. But hey, the president is not pocketing any money right? Uh huh.....yep, I just wonder how long the elected officials are gonna wait to impeach this punkin head, and I do not mean any disrepect to pumpkins. Last time I heard, the old prez had only something like a 26 % approval rating.....geez, any idea why he is still in there? I for one don't have a clue how the system works, guess I should have paid more attn to the teacher in class and not drool over some classmate's tight sweater. Hormones got in the way.....sorry folks.

Submitted by Steve shaw on Wed, 07/16/2014 - 11:58

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