The Weak That Was

it's a beautiful day here in the neighborhood, still cool enough to turn my breath into little puffs of steam but you can tell by the sun's low golden light that it'll be warm soon enough .... not hot, mind you, but that kind of invigorating exhiliarating day that spring'll bring you, and not just in the san francisco bay area .... jeez, i don't want to be writing this shit .... i should be out, riding my bicycle, or writing a song or working in the yard but no ..... here i am, pissing away my time and precious bodily fluids, and don't you have anything better to do than to read this nonsense? couldn't you be out there somewhere, manning the barricades, toppling a brutal repressive theocratic hegemonic kleptocracy that, despite all protestations of adherence to basic heterosexuality and preference for the military--i mean, missionary--position, with male dominant, really hardly ... ha ha .... repressives its homoeroticism, as witnessed by the recent posturings in the "hearings" we had about the status of our occupation of a country that we illegally, immorally, and unilaterally invaded without any provocation whatsoever .....

other than their reluctance to "bottom" for exxon mobil ......

yes, it's that time again! we just never get tired of our bread and circuses, do we? we stack our "hearings" about oil prices--and yes, it's well over four bucks a gallon in my neck of the woods, probably because i'm so close to a major chevron refinery and the cost of transporting oil across one bridge is really prohibitive plus you've got to factor in the costs of developing alternative energy sources like paying lobbyists and sending politicians welfare checks and way back when i lived in the midwest and this was a long time ago i'd go to clocktower square in des moines because there was a seafood restaurant there with fresh fish right in the middle of iowa which is known for its oysters only they're praire oysters but i dearly love oysters just like the walrus and the carpenter and i could shovel those blobs of glup down my ravening gullet until my eyeballs turned pearlescent just because i could do it all day and never get tired and i've never quite understood this obviously i'm not smart enough to understand high finance they were cheaper by the dozen in des moines iowa than they were in point reyes or tomales bay which is where the fuckers came from in the first place but i''m guessing the same mysterious principle is at work here i'd call it fucking greed although i don't think ersters are greedy creatures not like our oil execs or ceo's but they're always out of season and you should never eat one, not unless you're a congressperson and now .....

we've had our annual report card on iraq and i honestly don't want to go on at any length about this you already know what i'm going to say which is excuse me i think i'm going to vomit gastrointetinal blood onto this here hardwood floor oh lordy it'll splatter and how in the world can we do any more winning over there than we've already done we're just about the winnin'-est buncha folks ever and there certainly weren't any surprises were there you could always tell when a republican was speaking with the prefatory comment "oh jinral i shore dew wanna thank yew fer all yore se'fless service to this kuntry lordy lordy lordy i shore feel sayfer knowin' that gawd has blessed this kuntry with a manly man like yorese'f i ayum jus' so AWE-struck bein' in the praysunce of sumwun whooz so responsibul risponsibul fer the deths of so many mayuns 'n' mah goo'ness i jus' LUV all the littul dangly doodleybugs you got on yore yewniform well ha ha i get hot 'n' wet when i see a uniferm i like meeter mayds too" honest to god years ago touring i'd expect a little oral gratification before after and during a show but this shamelessly debased crawling was outright fucking embarrasing and then there were the quotidien questions like "general should we kill all the democrats or put them in camps because they have stood between us and victory in iraq?" and i always like the generic "how can we ask the soldiers that have died to have died in vain if we were to not let any more of them die," like the the dead get lonely and want company and the only thing that gives death meaning is more death, and i mean a shitload more, i guess we define "patriotism" as "we need more people to die, theirs and ours" you're not a patriot unless you're a caterpillar operator digging mass graves one thing you can count on with republicans is more death it's just like the spanish fascists who strutted around shrieking "viva la muerta! viva la muerta!" and i shouldn't have to translate that for you let alone explain it to you but the one question i wanted to have asked petraeus and crocker, well .... no one asked it, and that question is:

what is it like to be such a lying fucking asshole?

because i'd really like to know ....

honest to god, our occupation of iraq is like old people fucking: it's horrible to watch and there's no positive outcome in sight .... and, like old people fucking, if things are going badly you don't want to pull out and .... if things are going well you don't want to pull out ......

either way you're stuck in a stinking fuckhole until everything's wrinkled and chafed and rubbed red and raw and it's all oozing clear lymphatic fluids but you never get to come ....

out .....

then of course there's the olympic torch .... now i don't want to politicize an event that's ... ha ha .... never had any political implications whatsoever .... ha ha ..... but i find it interesting that the "protesters" who object to the eradification of a culture that's had a boot up its ass for over fifty years got more coverage now than the three quarters of a million folk who took to the streets just prior to the launching of an illegal immoral unilateral genocidal invasion of a sovereign nation without provocation that's resulted in the dislocation of four million people, a trillion dollar price tag and rising; 4,032 soldiers dead and rising; 750,000 iraqis dead and rising; 30,000 americans wounded and rising ....

but i'm sure the 'media's' intentions are good ....

meanwhile, i keep hearing about today's new bogeymen we should be very very very afraid of--because what would life be like if we didn't have a bogeyman to make us live in fear--and they include eee-ran, which we're told--and i know "they" wouldn't lie to us .... ha ha ..... is making the missiles that have killed guys inside our impregnable green zone probably because they couldn't get served at the mcdonald's there and then there's the radical cleric muktada el sadr who just thumped the poopoo out of government forces which proves that the iraqis are standing up while we stand down and taking charge along with the thousand or so that just said "fuck it i'm outta here" and left that shows what autonomy they have now thanks to us and i don't know why he's always the "radical cleric" instead of just being "the cleric ...." what makes him radical? i've never been told, but it seems like he's a power player who doesn't always do what we want which, i guess, is pretty radical when you're used to having people's noses wedged firmly between your butt cheeks huffing the crude exhalations of your musty sphincter, the stench of your rectal air ....

boy, do i have an excremental vision, or what?

it isn't like we don't have radical clerics of our own: pat robertson, he's a radical cleric, but no one ever calls him that; james hagee, mccain's good bud, he's a very very radical cleric, but no one ever calls him that and if they do they disappear, real quick; falwell was a radical cleric; dobson's way beyond being a radical cleric; jim bakker was a radical cleric, but a fun kinda guy, and i always did like tammy faye's radical eye makeup; there's no shortage of 'em in this country, and they're all satan's jizz stains on the satin sheets of compassion and humanity, but ... ha ha .... no one in this country ever calls them radical ....

still, it's important to count your blessings and to find things to be thankful for .... i'm grateful that i'm not flying this week .... well, any week i don't fly is a good week, fitting the terrorist profile as i do: white male, sixty-two years old; long hair; comprehensively tattooed; carrying guitars and twin boys .... if that doesn't ring the profiles, i don't know what does .... oh, i forgot: titanium shoulder ..... that gets 'em goin' every time but ... i've learned something .... i tell 'em i'm a drug lord and that i work for the cia, and they just wave me on my way ....

still, 3,400 cancelled american airlines flights and 270,000 .... mmmm .... disgruntled passengers because the f.a.a. wants to inspect planes that should have been inspected a long time ago and it just goes to prove one thing, and that thing is .....

how government interferes with commerce and people's lives when it gets involved in regulation or oversight; best we just let the marketplace regulate itself .....

excuse me ..... the nta wants to inspect my mountain bike, and i don't want 'em to ......

next: dr. pete gets inspected