Take Your Irony Supplement

jesus, it's hard writing this shit these days ..... irony's died a sad and lonely death in this fucking country ... i was going to ask if anyone could explain to me why god hates haiti .... i was going to ask you if you could explain to me why nobody calls god out for killing 65,000 people but it's a miracle if one child comes out alive from underneath a collapsed slum? 65,000 people dead .... yawn .... but oh my god! a white american got killed? send in the troops! he needs security!

i'll give you the lowdown on this one .... not too long ago i read about an attorney who was formulating a defense for a christer who'd murdered a bunch of people (no, they weren't doctors) because "god told him to," and he didn't want his client to be perceived as a "delusional religious fanatic ...." isn't that redundant? "delusional" religious fanatic? is there any other kind? what's the difference between a "delusional religious fanatic" and the plain old run-of-the-mill doctor-killin' intolerant bigoted religious fanatic? no shortage of these shitheads in "the papers" these days: we've gone from britt hume asking tiger woods to turn to jesus because the christian faith offers the best kinda forgiveness there is to that old devil's jizz stain pat robertson--oh, when he's not countin' the proceeds from his blood diamonds, he just never fails to satisfy, does he?--sayin' that the haitians did a deal with the devil because they got tired of being slaves--b-a-a-a-d haitians; b-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-d haitians!--and that's why god levelled the island and they need to repent and ask for forgiveness .... hey, if they repent and ask for forgiveness is god going to rebuild everything, only this time provide utilities? sewage? electricity? clean water? health care .... oh .... ha ha ..... we don't have that either, do we .... you know, last i looked the haitians were christians, that voodoo stuff aside .... what's that you say? you can't tell the difference? you're cynical, aren't you .... here's what the conservatives are really getting at, and when you understand this you understand their policies, programs and plans through the last forty years:

what they're really saying is, you darkies better ask god to forgive you for being black, because he doesn't like you .... we don't like you, either ...... because--as we all know--blacks are black because they bear the burden of god's shame, and pretty much the only thing they're good for is, well .... bein' slaves ....

i see one of the knee jerk crimes' many conservative mouthpieces has a "column" titled "forgiving mark mcguire ...." jesus fucking christ: is this how you get published in the "main streem meedia" in a newspaper get on television these days? say someone should turn to fucking jesus for forgiveness? be a sanctimonious fuckhead? be a delusional religious zealot? burn witches? man the dunking stool? hey! who's jesus' press agent? how come jesus gets so much fucking coverage? .... no wonder we're fucked as a country ..... the fucking media .....

and you know the thing about haiti? it's gonna be like new orleans: they're gonna move all the black people out and turn it into a country club for the uber-wealthy ...... yes, i can see it now: "move to caribbean breeze, a gated community and golf course with modern slave pens!"

what can i say? i was going to write a column about the case against the blackwater--excuse me; i meant "xe" .... guards who slaughtered seventeen civilians in baghdad and how they had their case thrown out of court .... i was going to write a story about the saudi prince who was videotaped torturing some poor bastard but his case was thrown out, too .... hey, i could've written about the whistleblower who alerted the IRS to swiss banks illegally hiding billions and billions of dollars--i know; what's a billion here or there--for a select roster of americans and .... he got sentenced to four years in jail while not one of the criminals he blew the whistle on will be brought to trial and .....

and i don't even get paid to write any of this ......

i can't even begin to comment on a republican taking ted kennedy's senate seat and how "the media" and "the pundits" are saying how "this will give the republicans muscle in the senate" and "obama's health care is in jeopardy" and "the democrats don't have a lock on policy making" and for the life of me i couldn't tell that the democrats had a lock on policy what i saw was corporations having a lock on just about all the politicians and i couldn't tell whether the democrats were eating dog food or sheep food because i sure didn't see any muscle oh i forgot we were looking for "buy-partisan concensus" which means you republicans do what you want and we democrats'll do what you republicans want and there was always good ol' joe lieberman who'd sell out the american sheeple at the drop of a lobbyist's dollar and .....

here's what i really want to say:

go see "avatar ....." if you haven't already done so, go see it now; go see in 3D; go see it in IMAX ....... i've always felt that movies should take you away, that they should transport you, and boy oh boy, does this one ever ..... we'll talk when we all come back to earth ..... although ..... mmmmmm ...... on second thought?

next: dr. pete moves to pandora