Of Mice and Men

i have a pot roast cooking on the stove, and the smell of it is permeating the house ...... it's a nice smell, rich and warm and homey and comforting ........hey, if you're a vegetarian, i'm sorry .... no, i'm not sorry that you get upset about my cooking a roast ..... i'm just sorry that you're a vegetarian .....

it smells wonderful outdoors, too, as crisp and as fresh and precise as teeth bursting through the skin of a winesap apple ..... oh, what a lovely, clear day it's been! i'd rather be out riding, but i'm going to rebuild my studio, and i want to finish up some pieces on the old system before i change over to a new one ....... i can only hope that this upgrade and these great technological leaps forward are worth the hassle and the down-time: every upgrade in the digital domain is as an unlubricated finger, rudely inserted, insinuating its way towards the tonsils ..... every upgrade results in lost time, lost momentum, and lost material ......

so ..... best to start fresh ......

the smell of the pot roast has to be better than the miasmic stench of corruption and moral bankruptcy that continues to emanate from this republican regime ..... how can you keep up with it? do these cocksuckers ever sleep? they're such busy little termites, chewing away at the foundations of our liberties, of our institutions, of our communities and our connections, destroying our values incrementially ...... until the whole fucking house collapses ......

does the stench of mold and rat shit in the nation's pre-eminent military hospital rival the putrescence of anna nicole in her coffin? more republican support for the troops, along with no training, no armor, and no armament ..... ah, jeeez .... i'm not even going to indulge in the litany of covert and overt actions undertaken by this compassionately conservative republican regime that bely the hollow rhetoric of "support the troops," a phrase that, when rung, has had the american sheeple salivating heartily over the slop trough that republicans have filled to the brim with garbage, offal, and ordure .....

this is not a new story; it first appeared in salon, two years ago ..... it's just a new story to big papers .... it's just news to people who ignored ...... aaaahhhhhhh ......... enough ....... enough awready ..... hey, i'm okay ..... i know there'll be an "investigation," i know that ward 18 will be renamed "elysian fields" or "emerald cove" or "cluster bomb went boom, so did my leg," and winkenwerder'll get fired .....

winkenwerder ...... he'll join the pantheon of republican greats, folks like abplanalp and rebozo .........

and brownie of new orleans fame ......

and all will be right with the world, this offensive bullshit just a temporary aberation, no way can this be indicative of the bush and republican status quo, just a minor oversight and don't let those democrats get up on their oversight bandwagon, and whoever brought this to our disordered attention again should be put on trial for comforting al quaeda ..... me, i gotta go check the roast ...... it's in a pressure cooker and, if you don't have a pressure cooker, you should go out and get one, right now ..... brown rice risotto in eighteen minutes; chicken stock in twenty .... the roast'll be done in forty-five minutes ..... with two-year-olds time is of the essence, i'm not gittin' no fuckin' younger and, as much as i love my kitchen time, i appreciate what the pressure cooker does ......

well, the point, dr. pete? the point is, i'd like to see one ..... just fucking one ...... of these soldiers get the press saturation that anna nicole has been getting ..... i'd like to see one, just one of these fucking grunts get the kind of saturation that brittany spaniel's shaved head's gotten, or her plunge into rehab ..... or yada yada yada yada ...... i think it'd be a compelling story: "i went mano a mano with the veteran's administration as they denied me my benefits ....... " "attacked by rats in washington, says iraq vet ....."

and he'd be referring to the administration, not the rodents ......

there's another "story" that makes little sense to me, and that's hillary clinton and apologies ..... now, i'm no big hillary fan; i don't think that being "tough" and "hard" are criteria for my presidential candidate ..... but that's not the point ..... this clamor for her to "apologize" for a vote that basically handed bushie and his coterie of corpsefuckers the wherewithal of invading a sovereign and non-threatening nation even as they opened our mail, tapped our phones, monitored our bank accounts, sniffed our feet; repealed habeus corpus, assfucked lady liberty, kidnapped and tortured people; savaged the constitution, bankrupted the united states, behaved like rabid wolverines, and lost us every friend we ever had in the international community, even as they turned their backs on an american city--and cities--in need, makes no sense .....

let's see ..... hillary cast a vote; the bush gang engaged in high crimes and misdemeanors with the resulting death of 3,200 american soldiers, 3,000 contractors, three quarters of a million iraqis, appalling mismanagement of men, materiel, and money, but .....

being republican means never having to say you're sorry .....

two years to go 'til the next presidential election, and we haven't even paid lip service to the results of last november's trips to the polls ..... republicans like mccain and romney and giuliani are marking out their takes on the critical issues of our times: abortion and homosexuality .....

giuliani will probably never get an abortion, although he acts like one ..... but god knows he sucks a lot of dick, and so does mccain .....

boy, these guys ...... they sure are relevant and in step ......

goose step ........

and democrats like hillary are hustling their crotches to show they've got bigger balls than the bush ......

like that's really difficult .....

what an ant-dicked asshole .......

the roast was good ......

next: dr. pete opens a restaurant

Posted on February 23, 2007 8:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
February 28, 2007
Intelligence Failures

you know, i'm wondering why the white house didn't intervene in anna nicole's affairs, like they did with terri schiavo; both bitches were dead, and both were grabbing plenty of fine media attention, at a time when you'd want what passes for media attention focused as far away from the appalling idiocy, the staggering retardation, the grandiose ineptitude, of our duly selected offal .... i mean, officials .....

i'm seeing it right now: john boner, minority leader, holding anna nicole's corpse in his arms, saying, "i know who the father of her child is ..... it's george bush, and he's going to take this baby into the beautiful white house that's so beautiful he just can't imagine what it's like to be on a combat mission anywhere, let alone in eee-rak ......"

i've heard that our intelligence network is flickering red, just like it did before 9/11, when rice and bush et al ignored the intelligence briefing entitled "bin laden determined to strike in the united states ....." there are rumors that al quaeda is line dancing in town squares all over waziristan, bordering our friendly allies, the pakistanis .... yes, those pakistanis who enjoy a military dictatorship under our good friend musharaf, who sheltered a.q. khan, who gave away .... well, actually sold .... nucular secrets to any country or group who could pony up the bucks and who never got even remotely ... mmmmm ..... chastised or admonished for givin' 'em away ...... while we're getting ready to invade iran because they won't have a nukilar capability for another ten years ..... but the intelligence scuttlebutt is that al quaeda is going to pop a nuke in an american city, and they're going to do it soon .....

the sound you hear is my asshole, ripping divots out of my chair, and weeping for having brought children into this world ......

good thing we're in iraq, right, cheney? because you're oh so right, we're doing really well, as evidenced by the withdrawal of british troops and the tag end of the danish contingent ......

meanwhile, our republicans, in a termite frenzy, are still gnawin', gnawin', gnawin' away at the foundations of a once great nation ...... we pay lip service to labor and the right to collective bargaining, but who are we kidding, labor unions were made illegal when that marionette reagan outlawed the air traffic controller's strike ..... and now king george says that the people who screen baggage et al at airports cannot unionize ..... well, hell .... who can unionize these days? and who's left to work or join a union? i mean, what with all the outsourcing we've had, we don't manufacture anything any more, not unless it's munitions or armaments are weapons systems that we can sell to countries before we invade them ......

just like we did in iraq ......

i see the market had a rough day ..... oooooooo ..... china farted and the american market shit itself ...... china owns so much of our paper we had to use our hands to wipe ourselves ..... but our money tsar, ben bernanke said, hey, hey, hey ...... not to worry .....

gee, if he says so, you know? i'll rest easy tonight, knowing all's well with the world ..... and he's a very bright man, because then he said that if we wanted to keep all the tax cuts in place we could kiss our social programs, things like medicare and social security, goodbye, because we wouldn't be able to fund them ....

because we wouldn't have any money .....

and if anyone wanted to keep those programs in place, well ..... they'd better think about raising some taxes .... to raise some money .....

gee .... i never thought of that ..... wow! no wonder he makes the big bucks, and i sit in my fucking studio, writing stuff like this, for no fucking money at all ..... boy, i sure wish i were smart like him ...... gee, just think of it ..... you need money .... to pay for stuff .....

maybe the government could just get some of those checks from a credit card company?

it's just more of that good old republican shit ...... ooooooh, they'll say, after there's no money left in the treasury, after it's all in the spavined fucking talons of the uppity upper .03%, and all the social programs collapse .... oooooo, they'll say: see? we were right! big gummint just doesn't work! we should have privatized everything when we had the chance .... sniff ...... now there's nothing left to loot ..... boo hoo boo hooo .......

i'm told that hershey's has shut down it's hershey, pennsylvania plant, and moved to mexico .... boy, there's a fucking milestone for you .... guess we'll be havin' herchey's bacitos 'stead o' hershey's kisses, right, muchachas? ford's in the tanks and chrysler is doing so badly that mercedes wants to sell it off .... boy, am i glad we let the market level itself when us tasspayers shoveled a shitload of dollars into chrysler to keep lee iacocca afloat and keep all the ..... excuse me, i'm choking on laughter ..... all the ..... ha ha ha ha ha .... jobs in detroit ......

oh god, that's a good one!

meanwhile, we're told that the economy's doing well and ........ what's good fer halliburton's good fer the country, ya know?

boy, am i in a mood ......

my computer was down for a couple of days, and you know what? it was fucking great! no news, no e-mails, no mortgages, no penis enlargement, no dithering around in the morning looking for something that made any sense .... i'd talk to the boys and go into the studio and i didn't miss a fucking thing ..... everything i've just written i've written without any input from the world whatsoever .... how do i do it? what secrets does this man possess? who is this man? is dr. pete merely a disguise for ......

cagliostro?

next: dr. pete's column appears on the front page of the national enquirer