Late 'n' Breakin' Wind

Washington ..... The White House announced today that President Bush would visit Louisiana to inspect areas damaged by Hurricane Katrina. "We feel that it's safe for him to go there," a White House spokesperson said, on condition of anonymity; "The water's gone down, the skies are clear, and all the darkies are gone."

Bush said that he was sorry to have missed this year's Mardi Gras. "I done a lotta things that ..... well .... I know I been there .... I think it was a lotta fun ..... if I could only remember."

He deflected criticism that the Army Corps of Engineers was using substandard materials to rebuild the levees. "We coulda used Halliburton," he said; "They know how to spend the taxpayers' dollar ..... 'n' you know they do it .... the bestest .... as good as .... they're okay ....."

Another spokesperson stated that the gated community, tentatively called "Plantation View," with executive homes built on new golf links, would be ready for sale in time for the Fourth of July. "What better way to celebrate our freedoms than by teeing off .... while having a mint julep."

In related news, President Bush announced that he would visit Viet Nam. "I heard the fightnin's over, "he said. "I'm thinkin' it's safe .... I don't think I'll be called up for duty now."

PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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