Stinky Poo, Stinky Poo

my sons are now two years and four months old .... it's an interesting time to have children, not just because i'm so old and fucked up, but because this is when people who don't have children this age, who aren't arthritic, who don't have to care for twins, think that children are fun and when it's exciting to be around them ...

they may not be wrong, although i'm probably the wrong one to ask .... still, they're good boys, and they learn new and astonishing things every day .... why, just the other day kalevi, the first born, came up to me and said, "gee, dad .... what is it that a body must do to overthrow a brutal and repressive theocratic hegemony that seeks to stifle informed dissent through control of a corporate and compliant media that spreads horseshit in the mind of a placid and bovine population like dung on a field?"

no ... ha ha .... i'm just kidding .... he didn't say it, but i could tell that he was thinking it .....

actually, they're learning to hit a tee ball but--more important--they're learning to take turns while doing so ..... now, people say that children are clean slates, but we know that people are about as stupid as a bag full of fucking hammers, so we can't take that seriously .... for a while i thought my children had inherited a recessive gene and were all republicans or christians or both, because the first words they learned were "me!" and mine!" so learning to take turns is signficant; it's something most americans don't learn, and graciousness, manners, and that sense of sharing is something that republicans and christians never learn: they stay infantile, regressed, and anal all their lives .....

gosh, how nice it'd be to speed them all to their heavenly reward, where they could sit at the right hand of their lord, who would probably reach out, tear 'em off a square at a time, and use 'em as toilet paper ....

children also know when they've done something wrong: you can see it in their face, in their postures, and the way they start to leave the room when they hear that certain tone ..... this is also something that republicans and christians haven't managed: to own up to having done something wrong ..... now, it's sad but true that we expect a certain amount of deception from our politicians; ..... but we shouldn't accept psychosis from them, neither should we condone or reward congenital fucking idiocy, yet that's what we seem to be doing .... or at least that's what our "media" perpetuates .....

by now we've all heard and had an uneasy laugh about john mccain, that ol' straight-talkin', straight-shootin', dung-eatin' fuckhead .... ooops ..... there goes my langwidge again, gittin' in the way of the codjincy of my argewmints ..... on his shoppin' trip to baghdad, which was just like shoppin' in indiana, as long as you've got one hundred troops armed to the tits, along with the four blackhawk attack helicopters flyin' overhead, and yer kevlar nad pad ..... we've all heerd tell how shrewd them rughaids is at barginnin', but you can damn well bet they din't poodle on about their last dinar, not when all them colt desert eagles swung towards they haids 'n' the hammers clicked back, no wonder that other senator could get five rugs for five dollars; no wonder this feces-eating asshole whose name i've mercifully repressed proudly reported his bargains, adding that the merchant's eyes "were wet with tears of gray-tih-tood ... he woon't take muh munny ....." this merchant later reported that just talking to an american made him fear for his life, adding that he encouraged anyone and everyone to kill as many americans as they could because "they are occupying our country" ......

well, hail, whatever, you know? next thanksgiving sale at nordies, i know what i'm'a gonna do 'n' how i can crest through the crowds of mean yuppie bitches, swingin' they cell fones ...... jes' me 'n' muh hundred buddies with their hardware .... hey bro'! lay down some cov'rin' fahr near the underwear, woncha? i kin get me sum bee vee deees fer cheeep!

but the point of this is, why should mccain get coverage from the press for saying that he could walk safely in the streets of baghdad? and then say that he "misspoke?" it reminds me of way back when king george the first ran his election campaign on the promise of "read my lips .... smirk .... simper ..... no new taxes ...." and americans, being the stupid shitheads that they are, were shocked when he raised taxes shortly thereafter, adding--as he lined up his golf swing--"read my hips ....."

my take was, either this jerkoff had no clue as to the principles driving a major economy--in which case he wasn't qualified to be president--or he was cynically manipulating a childish and foolish population with blather and bullshit--in which case he didn't deserve to be president .....

either way, george herbert walker bush didn't deserve to be president ....

unfortunately, he was, because both qualities seemed to be qualifiers for our presidency: delusional idiocy and deception, primary attributes of our republican offerings to the altars of power .....

the same holds true for king george the first's idiot bastard son: he's psychotic, he's delusional, and his sociopathy extends way past the simple mechanism of juvenile lying, yet .... he continues to get a "get out of jail" combined with an eternal "hall pass "card from our "media ....." it's no surprise that this butt -scratching, nose-picking, finger-sniffing fool'd disregard an electoral mandate, demanding an end to the iraqi occupation ..... but even so ..... the so-called "surge ....." the one that started out at 22,500 wannabe gas station attendants, that escalated another 10,000 "support personnel ...." that's now devolved to another redeployment of national guard troops that'll now be on their third tour, in spite of serious injuries, or quick deployment of troops so green as to have not received a minimum of basic training .....

other than how to go shopping in baghdad ...... or stop "friendly fire" with their faces .....

my kids aren't--mercifully--quite to the point where they can rationalize what they do, or propound absurd exegeses .... which is what republicans are now doing as they--like the cockroaches that they are--scuttle toward the underside of the refrigerator when the kitchen lights flick on ..... oooooooohhhhh! sure, i supported bush back then but ..... he BETRAYED me! ....... eeeeeeeeee! he doesn't really embody the conservative values that made ronald reagan the great fucking puppet that he was in an administration characterized by scandal, by bogus economics, by illegal and immoral wars, by the sanctioning of mass murder and torture by cia-trained operatives, by the looting of the savings and loan industry, by creating a whole new caste of people: the homeless; of funding an idiot's dream "star wars defense system" that allowed our defense corporations to belly up to the bar ......

why, it's just like it is now ....... same bullshit, same cast of characters: cheney; wolfowitz; perle; feith; abrams .......

iran/contra? still at it ..... except now we've added the outsourcing of torture ..... shit; we used to be able to do things ourse'ves ..... to jus' make sure them ignerant pissants'd do the shit right .....

the truth of the matter is, these whining cucarachas are afraid that the republicans have fucked up so badly, even the democrats'll be unable to "snatch defeat from the jaws of victory," and'll win the '08 election ..... which is being hashed to death and decided a year-and-a-half in advance by our fearless media, not content with wetting themselves over american idol, or anna nicole ..... and they're afraid that they won't be able to loot any more, that they won't be able to sell themselves off like the whores that they are, that they won't be able to .........

i'm sorry .... i just can't go on ...... jesus, who gives a shit about how many eye-rakees got their dusky asses wasted when there's about 38,000 american pets in jeopardy due to tainted pet food?

i know politics is a dirty business; my kids are just getting over another bout of diarrhea, and i have a diaper pail full, which is stinky, oh so stinky, so very very stinky .......

given the choices, i'd much rather be elbow-deep in the poo than listen to our republicans try to justify amorality and sanctify delusion ....

next: dr. pete disinfects the diaper pail .....

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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