I'd Rather Be Riding

what a week;, dear diary .... did you hear me shrieking? like when that fuckwad senator diane "call me a republican because that's the way i've been voting for years and there's nothing you can do about it because i won't be running for any office any more because i've made so much money as a war profiteer and i know things that you don't know like why i voted to authorize an illegal invasion of a sovereign nation but i'm not going to tell you and you can't make me" feinstein, who's on the judiciary committee, and after waving through such stalwarts as samuel alito; john roberts; antonin scalia, now will give a passing grade to michael mucousy as attorney general because "he's not alberto gonzales ...."

boy, there's some incisive thinking there, you know? he's not an illiterate, fawning, banal, trite, incompetent, venal, typical toadying republican posted to the highest legal office in the land; he's smarter than a toaster and has the morals of a stoat and the intellect of a badger that's been run over by an eighteen wheeler .... sheeeee-it, that's what i wan' as my attorney jinral ..... someone who's smarter than a bag of dog shit, someone who can tell all the milling, whining, snivelling, whimpering democrats who are peeing themselves with fear to just go fuck themselves, to take their fucking questions about torture because ha ha mucousy doesn't know what it is but he'll find out .... and he'll get back to you .....

with pincers and pliers and red hot needles and electrodes ......

it makes me fucking despair, you know? we're still having a discussion about whether or not torture is good for you ..... it reminds me of some of the conversations that went on during the spanish inquisition, that fun, proud period in christian history, that high watermark of western civilization ......

-- hey, juan ..... do you think you should be pulling that woman's fingernails out with those pliers?

-- oh, it's quite all right; she doesn't mind; why, she's been much too vain, you know how prideful and filled with sin women are ..... but now she won't have to worry about what color to paint them .... ha ha ..... and now listen to her! she's calling out to god .....

-- hey juan, do you think ramming red hot rebar up that rabbi's rectum is going to facilitate the process of .... mmmm .....

-- oh, don't worry; if he trusted god, if he believed in christ, then the glowing steel would be as an emollient lotion, smoothing out his hemorrhoidal tissues ..... and he'll truly sing god's praises when we pour the molten lead down his throat ....

-- juan, is that a good idea? i mean, lead's toxic and he might be harmed .....

-- oh, you silly liberal; this is for the good of us all; remember, we're in a war on ... mmmm .... on .... mmmmnnnn ..... oh ...... .....

anyway, they wouldn't be here if they weren't guilty of something ...... everybody's guily of something .....

i guess there are some conclusions one can draw from this utterly most degradingly shameful period in american history except for the others .... one is that there's the religious right and there's the religious wrong, and all of them can kiss my ass ..... and then there's this war shit, it's really big business .... thirty years later we're still engaged in "the war on drugs," which means people taking drugs have kicked the shit out of the american military ..... wouldn't you think that would give us a larger complex than "the vietnam syndrome?" which we had to expiate by invading those monstrously threatening and dangerous countries like .... panama .... and ..... granada .....

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ..... how did we ever sleep soundly at night until we'd subjugated those horrid granadans?

oh, i see we're giving our mexican neighbors, the ones whose people we won't let into our country because they'll take all the jobs that americans want like picking lettuce and strawberries and changing diapers and gardening and construction even though the construction market is down because no one can afford houses what with the crash of the mortage market that was unregulated which is a good thing because you don't want the government interfering with a few people making money although you do want the government reading your mail and listening to your phone calls and not letting you get on a plane if you've demonstrated against the war or voted democrat although why you'd want to waste your time and votes doing something as stupid as that beats the shit out of me one billion dollars and some more armaments because the best way to fight drugs is to fly over where peasants might want to farm their own land and spray their crops with agent orange and them with .50 caliber machine guns just like we're doing in colombia where we're helping them enjoy their freedoms there's nothing as enjoyably free as someone who isn't fettered by having land or owning a home when running for his life from those big helicopters and the freest of them all is a dead man because he never give nobody no trouble and the best way to liberate people and free them and fight drugs is with the military i know you remember how successful the cia was fighting drugs in vietnam why they'd round up all the heroin and fly it out on their own air america airplanes that's how dedicated they were to fighting drugs just like ronald reagan fought drugs back in.those old iran contra days when he ....

ha ha .... i do go on, don't i?

ha ha .................................

what i should be talking about is how michael lindner, tim gahagan and i played sedge thompson's "west coast live!" saturday morning .... it's a beautiful time of year in california, and just about everywhere else, too, i dare say: by the time i was rolling into the san geronimo valley the sun was up, but low, and the california hills were chiarascuroed in purples and golds, in wrinkles and folds, while wisps of fog filled the crevasses and frost glittered on the fields ..... thirty eight degrees when i arrived, seventy eight degrees when i left ...... a spectacular day for bicycling but .... duty called .....

did you hear the show? if you did, did you hear the boys shrieking? this was the first time the boys went to see daddy play live .... it's not because we won't take them to a show; it's because i can't get any shows, and i think i finally figured out why: it's because i haven't surgically enhanced my tits, plus i don't dance around like a crab on a hotplate with my midriff bare .... also i'm not a twenty-something who writes poignantly about shit he knows nothing about because he has yet to experience anything ..... jeez, i don't wish to be condescending to twenty-somethings who have yet to experience a lot of stuff; being a naif lends legitimacy to one's perspectives and opinions, wouldn't you say? take our president ..... please ..... ha ha ..... he's never let facts interfere with his opinions ...... but anyway .... the boys went and were as good as boys could be; we took them outside when their raw energy became too much to contain, and we let them run free, free-range animals if ever there were ......

daniel now says "daddy play radio .... daddy play radio ...."

next: dr. pete washes his hair

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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