Pour Some Shugger On Me

we've been out of town for a few days ..... we thought we'd get some skiing in, and we did, but .... that's another story, for another time ..... still, it was great to be away: a very remote ski area; a great room at the foot of the lifts; great conditions and .....

no news ......

i can hardly tell you how nice it was, not being bombarded by the little turdballs that comprise today's "news," nor can i really tell you what it was like to check my net news sources when i returned and go ..... oh fucking jesus .... nothing's changed; they're still at it ...... mccain, clinton, obama; bush; iraq .... yada yada yada ......

at least that's what i pick up on .....

i don't think that's what amurka and amurkans get .....

a couple of weeks ago we took the boys to a birthday party thrown for some of their young friends ..... do you know what the cornerstone of a three-year-old's nutritional regimen is?

sugar .... lots and lots of sugar .....

every fucking holiday, every fucking party we take them to, they end up with by honest-to-fucking-god-i-weigh-this-shit-out-on-a-gram-scale-and-don't-ask-me-why-i-have-a-gram-scale-i-use-it-to-measure-out-spices-in-the-kitchen a minimum of two ounces of sugar .....

i've said it before: my kids don't eat sugar and they don't eat fast food and they don't watch television because we don't ..... oh, there's no doubt that they start acting like fruit flies with cocaine suppositories up their butts when they eat sugar, and that's about what was offered at this party .... jesus, i thought; why don't they just strap on a fucking feedbag and fill it up with cuba's finest?

oh .... ha ha ..... i forgot; that's why we've had an embargo on cuba for the last forty-two years; united fruit was pissed off when fidel came out of the sierra maestra, and then --like now--government was an enforcement arm of major corporations .....

anyway .... the other thing that struck me about the kids' party was ..... the biggest fucking tv screen i've ever seen, taking up an entire corner of the living room ... and of course all the kids are mesmerized by it, as they shovel processed foods into their tiny busy little mouths and their bodies start to twitch ..... gee, that's great, i thought: now you can watch badly done animation pushing corporate icons bigger than ever before .....

anyway ......

the big weather came in the night before we left to come back to the bay area: high winds, lots of snow, and i mean lots of snow .... but i had chains, and the passes were open, so we started inching our way down from 8,600 feet ..... we made a potty stop at a little outpost and ..... the bartender and clerk were watching the weather channel .... did you know there's a tv channel where you can watch other people's weather round-the-clock? i mean, pornography .... watching other people fuck? for a change? i can hang with that but ..... the fucking weather? i could hardly get their attention, they were so focused on the snowscape in new jersey; tennessee; missouri; nebraska; michigan ...... finally i said, yo .... you wanna see some snow? why don't you just ....

look out your window? and you'll see a shitload of snow .... and the string of emergency vehicles with the four cop cars and the five fire trucks and the two paramedics and god knows what else that went screaming up the mountain side because something godawful happened up there and i know you redneck fucks thrive on schadenfreude so tear your eyes of the twat who's making like she gets hot and wet when she talks about rain and writhes and wriggles when she talks about snow .... and give me the fucking keys to the restroom .....

ha ha .... they knew what i meant, all right .... ha ha .....

and .....

today i stopped to put in some gasoline which just by looking at the price i know that we're both winning the whore of tear-air as well as stimmulatin' the 'conomy because jesus fucking christ exxon must be having another barn-burnin' quarter and ....

there's a fucking tv atop each and every fucking gas pump!

what a country .... what a nation of fucking whores .... you just can't et away from the fucking television, can you .... and it's all advertising, you know? or starshit about angelina or jen and i'm waiting for y'all to tell me why i should give a fuck about jen let alone angelina's fucking pussy and what goes into it or comes out of it and these fucking things are loud, too, they just shriek at you while exxon is sucking the lifeblood out of your wallet and cars whiz by on the freeway and it's the mindless shrilling of snakeoil hawkers and an endless string of lying fucks and yesterday i went to the gym because it was raining too hard to bicycle i'll ride in the rain but i won't start out in a heavy rainstorm and there's that fucking tv again there's a whole fucking bunch of 'em they're strung all across the aerobics section and everyone in the gym with a few exceptions is staring like like a mouse looking into the mouth of an anaconda and the stuff that comes out of television it's like the stuff that comes out of my youngest kid's ass when he's got diarrhea like he does right now and when was the last time you drove out of the mountains with two three-year-olds preoccupied with bodily functions and the dynamics of elimination and one of them is perseverating on the word "poopy" it gives him a huge charge he likes it a lot and the other one's singing "rubby dubby rubby dubby" non-stop for one hundred and twenty miles they're like george bush aren't they small minds entertained by even smaller things saying the same meaningless things over and over and over but it means a lot to the one that's saying it "rubby dubby freedom democracy poopy poopy terror poopy freedom god poopy poopy poopy god ....."

democracy .... ha ha .... ha ha .....

i can see why bush stumbles over that word; lots of sibilants, and young children have a hard time with siblilance .....

now, right about now you're wondering, what's the FUCKING POINT, dr. pete, WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?

well, darlin', i'm not sure there is one but ..... one might be, don't head into the mountains thinking you're going to have a vacation and get a lot of kick-ass skiing done when you've got three-year-old twin boys .....

the other might be, god, television has got to be the death knell of intelligence ..... turn on a tv and people tune out .... why is it that you can't get a moment by yourself in this fucking country? with your own fucking thoughts? without big brother spraying black paint over your third fucking eye? because it makes you stupid and you don't think and the next thing you know, you're believing everything you're told and you think that things are great and that the system is working and ....

gee ......

maybe i just answered my own question .....

ha ha .....

you're poopy! you're poopy!

next: dr. pete wipes himself

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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