Stupor Tuesday

i'm much too tired to be shrieking, what with the final victory of potty training looming on the horizon; yes, we're rounding the corner; we're in the throes of victory; we've turned the tide; we're winning now; we're close to victory; we don't want our sacrifices to be in vain; we can't turn our back on others less fortunate; we've won the hearts and minds, the bowels and bladders, the gusher and the dribble ....

add whatever other trite meaningless phrases that signify nothing other than the perpetuation of futility and insanity, and i'll continue ....

i didn't pay too much attention to the "run up to the primaries" because there were too many runs here --having small children in preschool is like opening your door to a plague vector, what goes around comes around, and what's been going around the last couple of weeks ain't bin purty .... waitaminnit! isn't that a terrorist? ain't bin purdy? no .... ha ha .... just kidding, of course ....

but what wasn't a joke was the amount of bodily fluids and toxic waste materials coming out of my three-year-olds, their mother, and myself .... actually, i'm dumbfounded at the amount of shit that fits into such a small body, although why i'm surprised surprises me .... bush isn't that big, but he's an endlessly renewable source of shit, a fecal fountain that never stops .... in fact, i'm all for adding some new words to our lexicon, like:

-- bush league (n.): a cabal of the corrupt, the venal, and the inept, dedicated to self-aggrandizement, perpetuation of power, and global sodomy .....

-- to bush it (v.): to handle badly; to fail; to fuck up royally .... "jack got the lowest grade on the test; he sure bushed it!;" "i don't think we're winning the war on [poverty] [drugs] [terror]; i think we're bushin' it ...."

lord, how they're all nattering and chattering and just blowin' shit out their mouths about the primaries .... oh, i guess it gives 'em all somethin' to talk about but, you know .... when i hear 'em saying how black people voted for obama .... and women voted for hillary .... what i'm really hearin' 'em say is:

black people!?!?!?!? in this country?!?!?!?! VOTING????!!!!!??????!!! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH ....... sure, we told 'em they could vote one-hundred-and-forty-four years ago but ..... THEY SHOULDN'T BE SO GODDAMN PUSHY! CAI'NT THEY JIS' WAIT? 'til they REDDY? and WIMMIN? jeeeeziz, what's this country comin' to? wimmin VOTIN? does this mean we'll have to take 'em seriously?

next thin' ya know, they'll be wantin' ta git on top .....

funny, how some of our allies have had women leaders: israel had golda meir, britain, margraret thatcher, and germany has angela merkel--yes, the one george snuck up on to rub on her shoulders ha ha there's some diplomacy fer ya ..... i'm not saying that they were great leaders because they were women; i think a syphilitic poodle would've done better than thatcher ..... mmmmm ...... hey, maybe she was a syphilitic poodle ..... but you know, for years and years and years and years, white guys voted for white guys and nobody said dick .... and now voila! suddenly major portions of the sheeple are trying to make their bleating herd .... i mean, heard ......

but hey .... if voting really worked, it'd be illegal .....

no ... ha ha .... just kidding, of course .....

the catchphrase of the day seems to be "change," to the point that even republican hopefuls are mouthing it .... huckabee wants to change the united states into the theocracy that the founding fathers pictured, with a fetus under every pillow, voting .... i never thought that was what the founding fathers had in mind, nor do i know who the founding mothers might be, but what's life without a little mystery? mccain wants to change into slim pickens, riding the h-bomb out of the b-52 in doctor strangelove, while romney?

he probably wishes he could change his mind .....

for one taken from a syphilitic poodle ....

you know me: i'm old and tired and crotchety and embittered but pretty darned cute when you get right down to it, and i just don't think that whosome-ever's gonna dance into the white house, wave a magic wand, and a-la-ka-BAM! we'll be out of recession and there'll be a cure for cancer especially 'cause all the superfund sites'll finally be cleaned up 'n' we'll set all the chickens free 'n' the lion'n' the lamb'll lie down together peaceably and snoogle up and .....

then i woke up!

no .... ha ha .... i haven't gone to bed yet .....

but maybe there is just an energizing, a shift in energies, the dawning of a new age of hope, a breath of fresh air, like opening a window in the abattoir, like hosing down my diaper pail, like ..... because .... at the very least ....

we're reaching the end of eight bushed-up years .......

now, i know the democrats can snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory, i know they can really bush things up, but .....

i'm not going there .....

not yet .....

i'm going to bed ........

next: dr. pete rolls over

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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