Another Day In A Life

reading the "news" is always character building .... way way back i used to read marvel comics, about imaginary fictional characters with special powers but all-too-human failings .... there was spiderman, teenage angst and glandularity, fighting criminals and blue balls; the fantastic four with the thing; bruce banner who became the hulk, the republican governor prototype; dr. strange--i liked him a lot, and you can figure out why .... now the new york times just runs fictional pieces about imagined characters .... like this one from a couple days ago:

"For a man who came into office as the nation’s first M.B.A. president, Mr. Bush has sometimes seemed invisible during the housing and credit crunch. As the economy eclipses Iraq as the top issue on voters’ minds, even some Republican allies of the president say Mr. Bush is being eclipsed and is in danger of looking out of touch.

The good news for Bush is he’s got Paulson, who’s got some real credibility on these issues,” said John Feehery, a Republican strategist. “Paulson is doing a pretty good job of looking like he’s doing something.”

out of the mouths of retarded sociopathic twats .... what are we doing here? reading the exciting adventures of the invisible man? .... the nation's first m.b.a. president ... gosh ... he's in ... ha ha ... danger of looking out of touch! ..... oh my! oh me! when did he ever look like he was in touch? i must have missed that five second interlude ..... ha ha ... excuse me, but let's think about how dipshit got into harvard in the first place, and it wasn't based on academic achievements or intellectual merits .... like so many of our understaffed, underfunded, ass-fucked schools in impoverished inner cities, the ones that just give kids a pass so's they can get 'em out of the system whether or not they can read or write or do fundamental math like if you spend three trillion dollars on an illegal immoral unilateral invasion of a sovereign nation that poses no threat to you except by their unwillingness to hand over their oil to your corporate masters, don't tax those corporations or wealthy invididuals meaning you have no income but lots of outgo you're going to be seriously fiscally fucked but they still get a diploma, it doesn't surprise me and i know you're not surprised either that boy george was ejected from harvard with his .... ha ha .... excuse me while i spit alveolar blood into my espresso ... m.b.a. ......

that must stand for "my bleeding ass;" is that where he got the wisdom to tell america to fight terrorism by going shopping?

we all know people with degrees who can't scratch their crotch with a grapefruit spoon, and as for america's first m.b.a. president, maybe that means "mung biting asshole;" if anyone had taken note of his .... ha ha ... achievements as a .... ha ha .... businessman, they'd have seen that every single business he touched .... well, let me back up here a minute and say that midas had the golden touch, but boy george has the fecal touch, and everything he's touched has turned to shit ....

it's not that bush's ineptitude, greed, amorality, incompetence, cretinous retardation, and sociopathic cruelty were any secret: everything was there on the record, as the murderous governor of texas or the oil executive who couldn't even find oil in his salad dressing to the coke-head college drunk to the awol flyboy but ..... he was a reg'lar guy and we all wanted ta have a beer with him because that's our criterion for executive excellence sociopaths are always charming they have to be otherwise they wouldn't survive to be predators and afflictions and that's the way he was presented just a reg'lar guy not like his democrat opponent that egghead gore unthinkably capable of thought and that's the way his turd of an image was polished and when you polish a turd you've got to do it under water so you don't breathe the dust it's not good for children or other living things at least wear a mask you don't even want to get turd dust into your eyes it's really hard to get out and .....

and so we now have a republican strategist extolling secretary of the treasury paulson's virtues by saying "he's doing a pretty good job of looking like he's doing something" (italics mine) ..... jesus .... they have no shame, do they? at least he's being honest; republicans have never made a virtue of substance or competency, but looking like something is critical to them, witness ronald "this is what happens when howdy doody gets alzheimer's" reagan but amurka loved him 'cause that's what a president looks like jesus if that's what a president looks like then i've got a pail full of rectal blood and vomit i'm going to nominate for a republican presidential candidate that man was so fucking stupid he couldn't find his nose with his finger unless he'd stuck it up his ass and used the scent of shit to guide it in for a landing .......

and paulson's telling us that we can't use the word "recession" because it's a technical term .... oh, okay; hemorrhoidal tissue is a technical term, too, but i feel perfectly qualified to apply it to assholes ..... notice they're saying we're having the worst economic crisis since world war II .... ha ha ..... they don't dare say since the great depression--which it is--because then even the american sheeple might stop chewing their cud long enough to put two and two together and realize how badly they're being fucked ......

speaking of assholes, we've had our annual "let's ask but be real polite while we do it although we may bluster a little just to make people think we're not on the pad and have our noses so far up the oil companies' asses that our eyes and ears are as brown as the oil sludge in prudhoe bay after the exxon valdez ran aground but i think exxon's paid enough don't you" "investigation" of oil company "profits" and you'll be glad to hear that exxon needs that money to explore alternative sources of energy like opening up the continental shelf to drilling for oil which is an alternative energy source because it hasn't been drilled yet and another alternative source is the hot air that comes out of everyone's mouth as they testify to their good intentions and find new ways to explain appalling greed just like their fuckbuddys in congress talk about spinmesiters they're all running around like a squirrel hit in the head by an eighteen-wheeler just gyrating madly in a diaphanous cloud of spittle tail fluffed out honest to god it's spring so it's time to have another hearing and i've just seen an ad for a mercedes and its copy is "longer lower leaner .... meaner" and fucking god did you hear my shrieking what the fuck is WRONG with us this is our design breakthrough the selling point for the affluent it has to be bigger and take up more space and it has to be meaner because that's how we want to be seen we're mean don't mess with me motherfucker that's my parking place i need to get my nails done and shop i'm fighting terrorism by shopping and paying $4.05 per gallon for my mean mean mercedes it's a lovely day here in the neighborhood i'm taking my glock to my local high school i want to be a teenage gunman i want to be mean and fearsome and make it seem like my meaningless inconsequential trivial superflous existence has some meaning you know if this shit happens in the 'hood it isn't news at all is it who cares i'm going to ride my bike up the fucking coast but i'm taking my grenade launcher with me just to clear the cocksuckers out of the way don't fuck with me i'm mean and walk with god's infinite love have a nice day .......

next: dr. pete hugs a wombat

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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