Woo Hoo, Indeed

our sense of humor, of what's funny, has changed drastically in a few short decades; if you're familiar with richard pryor, you'll know what i'm talking about--you'll know that there was more to the making of humor, of creating laughter against a background of insight, than providing an internet link to youtube .... do you ever get tired of people forwarding you an endless stream of shit that's supposed to be funny? do you wonder where you'll get the time to watch everything that someone else is forwarding you that got forwarded to them that was forwarded from somewhere else and on and on, back to the dawn of internet time?

as for this country, it defies irony: you have to run, just to stay in place .... there's never any shortage of onslaughts on your basice senses of decency, humility, common sense; proportion, humanity, and good taste .... here's something that should be cropping up on youtube, along with the squirrel shot out of the slingshot, or the juggling cow, but .... ha ha .... no one seems to think this is funny or, if they have, they haven't said so: here's how our idiot-in-chief observed memorial day, ostensibly dedicated to the honor of our military, many of whom are dead .....

"On this Memorial Day, I stand before you as the commander in chief and try to tell you how proud I am," Bush told an audience of military figures, veterans and their families at Arlington National Cemetery. Of the men and women buried in the hallowed cemetery, he said, "They're an awesome bunch of people and the United States is blessed to have such citizens."That provoked a standing ovation from the crowd in a marble amphitheater where Bush spoke. "Whoo-hoo!" shouted one woman, who couldn't contain her enthusiasm.

this quotation is from the new jerk crimes, but the italics are mine .... ha ha .... ha ha ha ha ... that's pretty fun, idn't it? ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!.... oh lawsey me! i can feel my duodenum knotting in massive intestinal repugnifIcation, just thinking about this cretinous retard and what he gets away with ... do i need to parse this bullshit? "try to tell you how proud i am?" try? try? if he'd stop eating his nose nuggets it might be easier to speak, but he still wouldn't make sense ..... our dead are an "awesome buncha people ....." awesome" .... awesome .... what is this? bush's bogus adventure? hangin' out with the dead? coolin' with cadavers? chillin' with corpses? they're probably the only ones left who'd like to have a beer with him .... have they now become citizens? fuck, next thing you know they'll be getting legal rights, like the iconic fetus but ... ha ha .... they're soldiers, and it doesn't matter whether they're dead or not, they're not going to get health care or scholarships or housing aid or anything but another chance to re-enlist and honest to god, i just can't stomach the kind of artificially generated enthusiasm so prevalent in america today .... woo hooo (it's "woo hoo," not "whoo hoo") my fucking ass ..... it's like dickhead stood up, scratched his butt, sniffed his finger, and said ....

hey america ... y'all raidy to rock?

and america went .....

bleeauughghghhrrrgh hhnnnngngngngngngn eeeeEEEEEEeeeeeoooooowoooooHOOOOOoooooo ......

fuck .....

i'm sick .....

speaking of being sick, aren't you sick and tired of folks who made fortunes serving as satan's lapdogs, then make another fortune writing books about what a nasty asshole satan is? i see that scott mcclellan--once employed as the cotton padding to staunch any possible flow of truth from the white house--has now joined the ranks of the "now it can be told" group, the shameless fuck-eaters in republican employ who punched satan's timecard and cashed satan's checks and now want to capitalize on "telling all," like .... maybe .... ha ha ..... there weren't any weapons of mass distraction oh my GOD what a surPRISE who could ever have THOUGHT and valerie plame oh my GOD did you know that karl rove--gasp!--didn't tell the TRUTH and pooter libby didn't tell the TRUTH and the "media" is shamelessly "discussing" mcclellan's "expose" presumably to boost sales god "media's" just there to hype product they're quoting chapter and verse from a book that has yet to be released it's like the fucking headlines on the national enquirer where everything is "shocking" i want to see bigfoot on the cover of the knee jerk crimes whore shit is a growth industry in this country as though anyone'd take it seriously, as though there's anything in it we .... okay; let me back up ..... it's hard to imagine that there's anything in it i didn't already know and it's not like i have second sight or anything like that i can't stand reading these fuckers listening to these snottering dog-wipes N[otoriously] P[retentious] R[adio] makes me power boot veinous blood into great spattering arcs i can spatterpaint my name on the ceiling when i listen these wombats intoning simpering posturing i had foetal alcohol clients who were more cogent and certainly more sincere i can't stand it i can't stand it all i want to hear is that bush and cheney and rice and powell and everyone in the congress and the senate have been hauled before the war crimes tribunal in the hague and they're standing in the docket charged with crimes against humanity that's ALL THE NEWS I FUCKING WANT TO HEAR!

and along comes vincent bugliosi to answer my prayers .....

remember the bug? he was the one who tried charlie manson and got a conviction .... he wrote "helter skelter;" he wrote about o.j. simpson getting away with murder; he's written about the betrayals perpetrated by the supreme court in gore vs. bush .... and now he's written "the prosecution of george w. bush for murder ....." did you hear me shrieking? OHMYGODOHMYGODMYPRAYERSHAVEBEENANSWEREDOHMYGODOHMYGODI'MNOTALONEI'MNOTFUCKINGALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now, i know that i'm never going to see any of these fudgesuckers and assfisters brought before a court of law in any significant way to get their rightful due their comeuppance their facial dusting with god's brass knuckles oh they'll never stand before a judge they'll never pay the price for the murder of over four thousand american soldiers a million iraqis the plundering of the treasury the trashing of the economy the deforestation of the bill of rights the violation of all civil liberties oh darn they'll never be drawn and quartered have hot coals placed inside their body cavities hung in the gibbet with crows plucking their eyes the old ways are the best that's what i'm thinking they keep talking about traditional values well i've got some traditional values for them right here let's get traditional a marriage between a man and a hot lead enema'd set 'em straight i think a guillotine in times square'd have a bracing effect on the casual disregard so many ceo's have for common sense and decency and i digress ....

but not by much .....

anyway, i'm delighted to see that vincent bugliosi, the prosecuting attorney and subsequent author who put charles manson behind bars, has written a book saying why bush should be brought up on murder charges after he's out of office .... and who better than bugliosi to bring this up? manson, bush; bush, manson .... i can't tell the difference, and neither can you ... both of them babbling incoherent sociopaths who have heard voices telling them to kill people; both surrounded by murderous zombies who unquestioningly followed orders; both created an an all-pervasive miasma of fear--among other things, they'd all come into your house and creepy-crawl it, going through your stuff; they've all "disappeared" people; both of them had this black-and-white my-way-or-the-highway attitude: i'm a-gonna free you 'r kill ya, an' the best way to free you ... is to kill you ... and ....

okay, okay--there's maybe a smidgeon of difference between 'em: charlie just scattered bodies around the west coast, whereas george's whacked out a million folk hither and yon but .... george went to harvard, so we know he's an over-achiever, okay? and charlie's taste in music, as long as he was listening to the beatles, was probably a notch higher than george's, and i'm going to presume charlie was getting more pussy but ....

i'm not sure .....

scooter libby's pretty cute, wouldn't you say?

next: dr. pete and the white album

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

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