Domesticatin' Tay-Ror

honest to god, boys 'n' girls, we got more good news this week: death is america's biggest business, and we ain't aimin' to go outta bidness any tahm soon ..... last editorial was about wimmin gittin' their equality on and now i'm gonna write up andrew joseph stack III of--where else--texas, who flowed his pooper stub into an irs bildin .....

now i'm a-gonna look on the braht side heer two, okay? coz you knowed that if a dark-complected person'd don thay-ut he'd'a been a terrrorisst yew betcha! suntan in a plane? flyin' inta a bildin? with a political agenda? ooooooo, homeland security, yew dun such a good job pertectin' me from ayun-thrayukx, pleese pleese pleese pertict me from that dark man in a pooper club! but holdjer horses now! this was a whaht may-un, 'n' that means he was prolly just unhappy that day, lahk he wuz havin' a bay-ud hay-er day, 'n he jus' din't know how ta 'spress his feelins! see, if'n yore whaht yew can bomb churches and olympic git-togaythers; yew kin shewt dokters and nigras and gays 'n' homersessals but that dont make ya a terrsrrsstst, just a patriot or a valyew voter 'spressin thayr beleefs .... yew kin send ayun-thrayux threw the males which by the way's been solved, just like that kennedy thayung that happend so lawng ago thank god fer painstakin' gummint investimagashun and thayut wuz a whaht mayun tew so thayr sherly ain't no terrrr involved hee-uh .....

ahm thinkin' anger manidgjement'd hayulp these individgels a lot, donchew?

see, we dont hay-uv terrrrrrsssts in amerka unlays thayr in congress or the senit or the whaht house and then peeple in uther kuntries think theyr terrrrrrsssts becawz whiz! boom! bang! suddinly bomz are fallin' frum the skah-uh 'n' hittin weddin partees 'n' skoolz if there was a suntan in a plane droppin bomz on our weddin parteez boy'd that'd be tay-ror fer sher but see .... lahk ah tol'ja .... weer whaht so its okay .....

republicans and other fine americans thought this incident was really funny, though, saying things like "gosh, grover norquist ... i thought that was you but .... ha ha .... it wasn't .... ha ha ......" i'm sorry it wasn't; had it been we could've all pissed on his grave ..... except .... i think he'd like a little golden shower .....

speaking of golden linings on clouds of shit, here's an article from bandon, oregon, that proves chrischun charity and giving ain't day-ud, not in thee-us kun-tree ...... (thanks and a flip of the kanga-tail to lisa rios; lisa, i'm never going to sleep again, knowing that people like this are running around and voting .... thanks a lot!)

MURDER SUSPECT CLAIMED HE SHOT TERRORIST, SOUGHT ESCAPE

COQUILLE--Gabriel Morris seemed very upset and scared when he appeared unexpectedly on Fred Eschler's Coquille doorstep on the night of Feb. 8.

A former beau of one of Eschler's daughters, Morris told the Coquille school board member that terrorists had killed his mother and her friend. That he and his wife, Jessica Morris, had been working undercover for the U.S. Air Force.

He said he shot a terrorist and needed to get out of town.

About 15 miles away, Robin Anstey and her boyfriend, Robert W. Kennelly Jr., lay dead in their Bandon-area home, their bodies pierced by bullets.

According to Coos County court documents, investigators believe Morris shot them repeatedly and headed to Eschler's house for help, before fleeing the state with his wife and 4-year-old daughter.

Eschler -- a teacher at Millicoma Intermediate School -- and his wife, Laura, gave them clothing, sleeping bags and about $150. He also loaned them a gun, ammunition and a Ford Taurus.

The next day, Eschler picked up the phone and called the Coos County District Attorney's Office. He reported that a visitor, claiming to be involved in counter-terrorism activities for the federal government, said he may have been involved in two recent homicides near Bandon.

But neither the police nor the DA knew of any unsolved homicides. Nor did they know Anstey and Kennelly were dead.

That is, not until Wednesday, Feb. 10, when a Coos County Sheriff's Office deputy drove up to Kennelly's home about 6 miles outside of Bandon on Highway 42 South. He walked toward the front door, looking for the owner of a truck that had been abandoned on North Dean Street in Coquille.

There, on the two-story home's deck, he spotted Anstey's body by an open front door. He saw Kennelly's on the floor inside, a few feet from the door.

That same day, Coquille Police Chief Mark Dannels interviewed the Eschlers, who live on North Dean Street. According to court documents, Morris repeatedly asked for .40 caliber ammunition and a ride to San Diego.

Eschler refused to drive them, but gave them his Taurus. He also gave Morris a 9 mm semi-automatic handgun with three loaded magazines. At one point, the 33-year-old Morris dropped a semi-automatic handgun that had been hidden in his clothing onto the Eschlers' couch.

The Eschlers said they last saw the family drive away in their car, with Jessica Morris at the wheel and Gabriel Morris and Kalea huddled in the back seat. A surveillance camera caught the Morrises on tape in Mesa, Ariz., on Feb. 10, in what appeared to be the Eschlers' Ford. They may be heading to Louisiana or Florida.

At the crime scene, investigators and Coos County District Attorney R. Paul Frasier found what appeared to be a .40 caliber spent shell casing and an empty magazine from a semi-automatic handgun near Kennelly and Anstey's bodies.

"Based upon the above information, I have probable cause to believe and do believe that Gabriel Christian Morris is responsible," for the shootings, Frasier wrote.

The state has issued a warrant for Morris' arrest, charging two counts of aggravated murder.

Attempts to reach Eschler for comment were unsuccessful. Laura Eschler refused to comment.

this is one of the most heart warming stories i've read in a long time, and i read the new jerk whines regularly ..... it shows what a christian--and did you notice what our protagonist's middle name is?--giving nation we are, how we never turn away empty handed someone who knocks on our door and asks to borrow a cup or two of ammunition .... although i gotta say, mr. eschler could'a been more he'pful: he could'a drove 'em down to san diego like they asked instead of just lending them the taurus ..... still, it just validates that expression "praise the lord and pass the ammunition," a guiding principal of this country through its psychotic genocidal progress ..... and it makes me think back to amy bishop-anderson, rammin' home them clips and sprayin' the quad with coverin' fahr ..... an' i thawt, if'n only we-uns'd all lissen to the nashinul riful ass .... ass ..... ass-oh-see-ay-shun, then ever'body on the campus'd have had a gun or four 'n' they could'a all returned fahr an' it'd've been lahk john belushi in "animal house" where he's in the cafeteria an' he's runnin' away from doug niedermayer and greg marmalard (you can see what a memory for critical facts i have) an' he stops .... an' he shouts out

FOOD FIGHT!

and the cafeteria explodes in arcing trays and spraying drinks and ..... huntsillve could'a been just like that, only with lots more ammo .......

next: dr. pete loads his tray

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

1 Comment

Enfield says:

Shows to go you! There's one born every minute.

Submitted by Enfield on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 16:01

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