It's A Wrap

i've got a couple of good reasons why i've not been writing .... one is that it's hard for me to keep up with the level of distaste i feel when i read about our lunar electoral landscape: it's heavily populated, but there is no intelligent life to be seen ..... i'd be more invested in the process if i felt that i had a choice .... oh, i guess i do: it's kind of like making the choice between injecting radioactive waste into your left eyeball or amputating your left hand with a dull butter knife .... how do you want to be fucked up in the future? a little of this? or a little of that ....

and a little goes a long way .....

i have many concerns about all the hopefuls and wannabes; the ones that i gave a shit about were never .... mmmm .... serious contenders, or were forced to drop out after being ignored by the "media ....." it's true that if you get no coverage, if no one writes about you, you don't exist .... but i'm tired of these fucking inbred political dynasties, like the bush dynasty that litters the landscape with mutant termites that just chew their way through all that's decent .... or the romney dynasty, which goes to show you that anyone in america can run for president, as long as he's got a pisspot full of money, an unbridled ego, no shame whatsoever, and a lacquered hairdo ..... i swear to god, don't these people have a place they can fucking call home? they're like dandelions, or the clouds of sperm that fish release in the ocean: they just blow and drift from one state to the other .....

i've got a lot to say about obama, too, but i'll settle for .... i remember jack kennedy, and obama's no jack kennedy .... i don't think jack would ever have picked up republican talking points like "social security's going to go broke," when we all know it's not--and if you don't know that, you ought to, because if you believe it is you've been duped by evil lying republican fucks .... as though there were any other kind ..... but the real thing that has me barking with shock and horror, like you would if you saw an eighteen wheeler barrelling down on the little pod of kindergarteners, caught in the middle of the crosswalk, is to hear obama talk about change and then say that he'll usher in a new era of bipartisanship .....

gee, o'bummer .... i'm sorry but .... maybe you've not noticed how republicans have behaved for the last ..... mmmmm ..... three-thousand-seven-hundred-forty-two years eight months fourteen days six hours twenty-seven-and-a-half minutes ..... but who's counting .....

they're like fucking weasels on angel dust only without the good table manners or social grace, they have absolutely no shame, they're scum incarnate who are so toxic they shouldn't even be used for landfill they've never shown any inclination to "extend a hand across the aisle" to work "together with the other party" to "go along to get along" am i the only one who sees this?

i didn't think so .....

this evening i was coming back from a meeting of the city planning commission, the one that's kind of opened the door to development that'll bring my town "into the new millennium" which i think means opening it up to developers who will fill it with more boutiques and spas and coffee stores and you can't even buy a fucking lightbulb downtown any more i break out in hives every time i have to go down there i mean how many more lovely little frocks can i buy?i have all the nice a-line blouses a body could use and four hundred dollar belts and i do my nails eight times a day jesus how can four thousand nail places stay in business are there that many fucking busted nails in this fucking town and why is everyone on their phone? what is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT please i NEED MY MEDICATIONS i'm GETTING EXCITED AGAIN but i had the misfortune to hear the stayt of the onion address and you prob'ly heard me skreeming i had to rip the raydio out of the dashbord and i flung it out the window it hit an ol' lady but there are too meny old peeple here awlreddy and thare were no surprizes george sed weer dooing reel well and weer strong and free and weer also wieners or is it weiners? whutever weer winning the whore of terror and eerockis luv us weeve brawt them freedum and those other peeple? in alabamastan or whutever thay luv us tew eksept for al kayda din't we beet him up six yeers ago? and how did he ever get buy us so fast but remember just make my taks kuts permanent thank you and gawd bless amurka .....

gee, there sure were a lot of surprises in that speech, weren't there ...... ha ha ..... but .....

the real reason i've not been writing is that i'm in the final throes of potty training .... oh .... .ha ha .... no .... not me ..... ha ha .... the boys are winning the battle of the sphincters, and it's not been pretty .... all of you singletons out there, don't ever tell me about how hard it is with one child; you don't know what it's like until you've had two young 'uns running around the house with bodily waste issuing from every part of their body .... it's almost as bad as listening to our president speak; the amount of shit and vile fluid that can come out of such a seemingly inconsequential body is alarming .... but .... ha ha .... we're winning the war on terror here, that's for sure .... my boys are potty animals now, yes they are .... they can potty hotty! oh, dear what are they gonna do/number one or number two ..... oh baby, baby hold on .... baby hold on .....

by the time they're outta diapers i'll be in 'em .....

but let's at least diaper our president's face .....

we'd all be so much better off ......

next: dr. pete loses control