Let's Carpet Bomb Kansas

thank god we don't have to have a discussion about torture any more and, by the same token, thank god we've won the war against terror--at least in iraq--and we don't have to read about that shit any more .... the media's been slobbering over the nominee for the supreme court--even as republicans call her a racist--and my heart melts every time i hear about the hardships she suffered and her parents suffered and how she pulled herself up by her bootstraps and i've never even seen a bootstrap and i've worn a lot of boots in my day one of my favorites i was ten years old i think and i remember i was on the giulio cesare the italian american oean liner heading somewhere and i was walking around the corridors of the ship and i had oh my god! i had combat boots! and they had to be laced up! and they were a great color too i just can't remember where i might have gotten a pair of combat boots i think we were coming back from pakistan via europe but i do know there were no bootstraps in them and none of my shoes have ever had bootstraps or shoe straps you know i heard the same fucking stories about clarence thomas about how he'd overcome oppression and intolerance and how if you didn't approve of him you'd be prejudiced and a racist and boy is he a gob of phlegm we sure screwed the pooch on that one i wonder if he has bootstraps i could care less what color a supremie is polka dots green-and-purple stripes who gives a fuck what'd really make me enthusiastic about a supreme court nominee is someone who is so dedicated to upholding the constitution rather than expanding corporate rights who's such a rigorous interpreter of the rule of law that we'll see cheney bush rice bybee yoo and you know hoo else slapped in jail for treason and crimes against humanity and placed on trial for war crimes and ......

then i'd get excited about something .... then i'd have some of that hope obama was selling ....

the fact that we're so preoccupied with a candidate's socioeconomic whereabouts and usetabes tells us yet again what a classist country this is, and what a tribute to marketing we are and .....

but you know all that, being the kind of sophisticate that reads my columns ......

there is no discourse in this fucking country, and the parameters and talking points are all set by neofascists and so distorted that i'm surprised you haven't heard me shrieking .... i'll give you a couple of examples .... last week i heard a "commentator" on N[utzoids] P[uking] R[egularly] talking about "wild-eyed bomb throwing liberals ......" i can't remember who the "moderator" was, but there was no correction, i didn't hear the sound of this cretinous asshole being bitchslapped; nobody was called a "lying fuckhole retard" or a "scumbag who sucks poodle shit off the pavement," although all labels were most likely accurate .... bomb throwing liberals .... mmmm .... i guess that means timothy mcvey was a liberal, or maybe liberals wouldn't use car bombs because they're not eco-friendly and green .....

then the neejerk crimes had one of their masthead "columnists" telling us how to tell the difference between liberals and conservatives ..... he tells us that conservatives don't want to slap their fathers, neither are they comfortable touching the water faucets in public restrooms .... he says that "People who would be disgusted to find that they had accidentally sipped from an acquaintance’s drink are more likely to identify as conservatives ....."

wow ..... i sure wanted to know that, didn't you? important part of the discourse, wouldn't you say? i never knew that was the way you could tell a conservative: i thought conservatives bombed hospitals and shot doctors who provided health services to women; i thought conservatives got loaded on oxycontin, banged in viagra suppositories, and abused prepubescent sex slaves; i thought conservatives sucked the brains out of kittens and used the flaccid bodies as lounge slippers; i thought conservatives gnawed their way out of leathery-shelled eggs with an egg tooth; i thought conservatives were psychotic assholes who poisoned the air they breathed and sullied the ground they walked on; i thought conservatives lined their nests with the bodies of children who died for want of medical insurance; i thought conservatives were a lot of things, none of them pretty, but i never thought the marker was whether or not they'd slap their fathers, were disgusted if they drank from a friend's glass, and weren't comfortable touching faucets in rest rooms .... come on; aren't conservatives the ones that are always hanging out in rest rooms? in the crapper stalls? playing peekaboo? dipping crusts of bread in the urinals?

what a fucking world ... jesus .....

no wonder we don't have to talk about torture any more; who cares, right?

i'd started writing this column a week ago, then i was out of town for the weekend and what a joy to come back and find out how prescient i was, writing about conservatives who "[shoot] doctors who provide heatlh services to women ...." yes, that's the pro-life stance for you, and i guess that makes me pro-death, because i'm all for executing all these assholes .....

the discussion never touches that a woman's "right to choose" extends far beyond whether she wants to terminate a pregnancy or not; a woman gets to choose the quality of life that child might have; a woman gets to choose the kind of lives her other children--present or future--might have; a woman gets to choose whether she wants to bring a child into a world that's loving and provides comfort, or whether she wants to consign that child to the kind of conservative hell these ass-sucking christers like so much: suffer in this world so you can eat god's pie in the next .... ha ha .... as california, fiscally inept under republicans, cuts off all services to poor children ......

guess that fetus better get a job .....

there's no discussion about domestic terror and there should be because, yes, they're terrorists, yes they actively terrorize people ... they want people frightened and they want people curtailing their freedoms and they want to impose their will on others and they're murderous fucks .... the spin is that the perpetrator was mentally unsound, ooooo, but fuck .... they're all psychotic assholes, and like all conservatives they skate on the responsibility thing: yes, prominent conservatives can sanction and advocate the murder of people who provide health services to women, but when it happens they side step their own culpability .....

guns don't kill people; christians with guns kill people .... although i'm really glad that we've made it legal to carry automatic weapons in national parks; you never know when you'll come across a bear performing abortions .....

you know what i think? i think we should carry the war on terror to kansas; i think we should carry the war on terror to the bahbul bay-yult; i think we should carpet bomb topeka because we know there are terrorists there; i think we should drop daisycutters on pentecostal churches; boy there's a hotbed of sedition if ever there were one; let's put the cheney one percent doctrine into effect: find a group that wants to kill americans and bomb the shit out of 'em .... i can't tell the difference between the taliban "over there" and our taliban except ... ha ha .... the taliban over there at least provide valuable services in that they ride herd on the opium crop and the heroin production, just like we taught them to do when they were our buddies, so production's always going up and quality is guaranteed .....

it staggers me what a non-item doctor murder is, how little coverage it's gotten, ..... one of the few references i caught was from a conservative bemoaning the "liberal bloggers who were ....." ngngngngngng ..... and i can't believe how blase we are about the fbi letting this shit slide when even the department of homeland security came out and cited the rise of right wing groups as a major terrorist threat and .... and .... and ..... and i can't go on .....

you know, i expected all this shit from bush and the boys; ashcroft, covering up statue titties and talking in tongues, that's both ooo-eeee-oooo and ha ha ha at the same time, you know? but a democrat in the white house? i didn't expect anything, i really didn't but .....

i had a smattering of hope ......

boy, are the dust bunnies looking rilly rilly good .......

next: dr. pete has allergies