No Dollar Left Behind

i think you'll like this ..... here's the way the washington post paraphrases "on conditions of anonymity ...." ready? let's go: "A White House official, speaking not for attribution in order to discuss political strategy ......" you can fill in the rest: opened his/her mouth while a torrent of effluvium poured forth; amazed the fourth estate with the copious amount of shit that issued from his/her gob; smiled blandly while his/her pie hole became a superfund site ......

"not for attribution?" so they can "discuss political strategy?" is this what journalists went to school for? so they could write as though they were writing those old instruction manuals for japanese products, before the japanese 1) out-manufactured us; 2) out-designed us; 3) turned the united states into a colony, and 4) learned to read and write english better than americans do ..... this is like calling "torture" "brisk questioning ...." if they want to discuss political strategies, why not be quoted? what this means is: i'm going to lie to you sheep and you'll take it all down verbatim and publish it as the truth and i'll never be held accountable and these lies will never be tracked back to their white house source because you're lazy complacent cocksuckers who'd rather go home and watch a sitcom than do a reporter's job because newspapers are just turning into gossip rags and the new york times is turning into a journal of personality and cult following like the national enquirer (and how is wacko jacko these days? and has another teen girl disappeared?) because of the death-grip of advertisers and, of course, government strictures and intimidation, and besides, americans are too stupid to follow news because it calls for concentration, perseverance, attention, and critical faculties of analysis and dispassionate evaluation, and news doesn't happen in starbursts: it happens over months and months and months ....

so they'd rather watch a sitcom, too .....

which is about what we've devolved to .... we've turned government and policy into sitcoms .....

you ever wonder about bush and his inability to string two thoughts together? i'll bet you were asking yourself: is this late onset korsakoff's syndrome? tertiary paresis? ...... well, let me back up a little bit ..... you know how, when his strings are pulled and his jaws move like a cow masticating and he gives state of the union speeches, how the republican flunkies and monkeys continually leap to thier feet in those little pauses, those little caesurae, and shriek? kind of like the germans, leaping to their feet and shrieking "seig heil! seig heil!" while thrusting their arms out at rallies .....

now, you know i don't listen to or watch television ..... and one of the things i've always found incomprehensibly offensive is the laugh track .... come on: it's either funny or it's not, and you and i both know there isn't an audience sitting around, yokking it up on a sitcom soundstage ..... but that's me, alarmingly misguided and believing in honesty and integrity in america .... and the tooth fairy, too ....

but what the point is, those great gaps in bush's thoughts and speech? the ones that are like the cheyne-stokes breathing of a dying person? where they take a breath and .... and ..... and ..... you hold yours, wondering if and when the next one's going to come down the pike?

we should punctuate them with a laugh track .... kind of like this:

my fellow .... merkans ..... (ha ha ha has oooooarrggh oughoughoughhghgh) ...... our economy is ..... doing better than ....... (AAAAAAshriek gufffaw applause) ..... ever bifor ..... (AAAAAAAhahahahahahahahahaha) ...... and the eye-rakky peeple are enjoy'n' freedom and democracy (WHOOOOOOO-EEEEEE ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha AGGGHGHGHGH) .......while we guard 'n' protect our freedoms at home (oh my GOD ...... pandemonium .... 911! 911!) ........ 'n' we've made the world a safer place ..... (NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!) ...... 'n' support 'r' troops ......

to which our troops say ...... stop! you're killing me!

Washington, D.C. .... in an unrelated story, the Post reports: "Claude A. Allen, who resigned last month as President Bush's top domestic policy adviser, was arrested this week in Montgomery County for allegedly swindling Target and Hecht's stores out of more than $5,000 in a refund scheme, police said."

i guess there's nothing left for the bush administration to loot in our treasury or in iraq ..... they're nothing if not meticulous: no dollar left behind: they're turning their attention to target stores .....

what better way to faht terrissm than by ..... going shopping ....

next: dr. pete is at a loss

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

2 Comments

"Wildman" Dave says:

Nice series of breaking news segments here this week, Doc. Anyone amazed that Sirhan was denied parole over RKF? Especially with the Governator at the wheel?

Submitted by "Wildman" Dave on Thu, 07/17/2014 - 14:00
Ess Kargo says:

Finally a decent use for the laugh track!
Normally.....
laugh track = seppuku.

Submitted by Ess Kargo on Thu, 07/17/2014 - 14:00

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