Reform This .......

i wrote this column before i read paul krugman today (march 27, 2006) ..... while i prefer not to let facts interfere with my preconceptions, i must defer to mr. krugman's impeccable politics and knowledge, this time regarding illegal immigration and its impact on keeping wages low, in that employers would rather pay low wages with no benefits, and illegals will tolerate that ..... still, here's my column .... it's not just hystrionics .... it's putting passion back into the body politic .......

"Bush, trying to regain his political footing ahead of this year's critical midterm elections, told a GOP audience in Indianapolis that "the difference is clear" between the two parties on how to sustain the U.S. economic recovery."

"If you want the government in your pocket, vote Democrat," Bush said. "If you want to keep more of your hard earned money, vote Republican."

fuck you, you lying shit, and .... america? the bush government is up your ass and in your bedroom, and you won't have any money to keep, nor will your children, their children, their children, and so on, ad nauseum ..... no .... really ..... there are reasons why you shouldn't vote for bush-ite republicans or, for that matter, any republicans, and it's not because they're trying to dazzle you with the illusion of pennies and buy you with the false dreams of tax refunds ....

you shouldn't vote for them because they're genocidal mass murderers and their corruption stinks worse than weasel meat left out in the noonday sun ......

but wait! there's more!

i read that the government is going to "reform" immigration law and that they're going to "crack down" on illegal immigrants ..... every time i hear that phrase, "crack down," i see a bloated, pallid, hairy ass, the kind that belongs to our senators and congresspersons, with the pants down around the knees and the belt dangling loose, hunkered over over lady liberty's face..... getting lower .... and lower .... and lower .... and lower .... yup, i'm from your gummint .... and i'm here to smother you .....

crack down, my ass .... i got your crack, right here ......

i'm not done yet .....

i looked in The Doctor's Dictionary for a definition of "reform" and wasn't satisfied with what i read there, so i'm doing an addition: reform (n.) ..... legally screwing the pooch .... also, grandstanding to gain political points ..... why would i say this? other than "tax reform" and "welfare reform" and "social security reform" and ..... today it's "reforming legislation on illegal immigrants ...."

bear with me while i back up for a moment ..... i recently watched werner herzog's "grizzly man ...." if you haven't seen it, i think you should .... it's .... compelling ..... by the picture's end the protagonist, timothy tredwell, is fraying a little around the edges; he's showing signs of wear and tear and you can hear the sparking of loose wires ..... here's a guy who, for thirteen years, has spent four months in the alaskan wilds (and believe me, the alaskan wilds are way beyond wild) because .... he's on a mission ..... his self-stated and self-appointed mission is to protect grizzly bears ..... now, i'm not saying that's a bad thing .... but it's not really clear what threat the grizzlies were under ..... they weren't being hunted, they were on protected land, there is nobody and nothing around ..... but there's timothy, shrieking into the wind about fuck this and fuck that (actually, he sounds kinda like me) and fuck the government and fuck the park services and nobody's helpin' 'em so that's his job and, by god, he's done a fucking good job, protecting the grizzlies .....

did you ever see "stand by me?" the carl reiner version of a steven king story? young boys going out to find a dead body? it's a great song and a great movie and .... there's a scene where one of the boys is standing guard in the night .... he's holding a .45 at parade rest and he intones, "the dogfaces slept easy, knowing that corporal teddy duchamps stood guard ....." well, that's what tredwell reminded me of .....

and that's what immigration reform sounds like to me ..... we got our current crop of vigilante assholes, playing soldier along the mexican border, and they remind me of teddy duchamps and timothy treadwell .... nobody asked them to do anything, but they were so fucking hollow and so fucking empty and the convenience stores weren't hiring so they needed a life, and what better way to get one than to have a mission (they're men with emissions/men with emissions/ oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) where you get to wear a uniform .... and carry guns! and shoot dark-complected people!

don't they know that lynching is more economical? because you can use the rope again and again .....

oh, i've heard 'em on the radio .... "well, i wanna support my gummint 'coz they're not doon nuthin' to keep out them furners from comin' over here and takin' up our jobs ..... yeah, we armed, all right; we got more ordinance than they do in eye-raq, and i'm gonna perteck my country and yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada ......"

what jobs are they taking? gardening? you know, there's some jobs that white folks won't do that i'd like someone to look into, like .... bringing fiscal responsibility to a government out of control and beyond oversight ..... or maybe negotiating nuclear non-proliferation treaties with north korea .... and india .... or, how about ending the united states' military presence in iraq? and turkmenistan? and azerbaijan? and .......

we may be the stingiest, meanest, most selfish, most self-righteous, greediest bunch of fucks this world has ever seen, and there's never been a shortage ..... hold on a moment; let me think ..... whities came to a continent that was already inhabited and immediately set out to exterminate the inhabitants; steal their land; spread disease; steal the resources; steal their women; kill the children; move them from their familiar territories and way of life to inhospitable terrain; shove a barbaric god and a primitive religion down there throats, even as it justified everything that was done to them ..... am i forgetting something here?

oh .... how could i have forgotten slavery? yah, why don't they just go back to aferka? and pay their own way? huh? why, they kin book passage if'n they go to backtoaferka.com .... gee, i don't know about you but .... i remember freedom summer in mississippi ..... because the law of the land was that blacks could not go to white schools or use the same restrooms or the same entrances to stores or ride in the front of the bus ..... or vote ....

but thank god, some things that are sacred in america remain pretty much unchanged ......

we still won't let 'em vote .....

hey ...... at what point in time did lady liberty put down her torch and, to the "huddled masses, yearning to be free," flip them the fucking bird? did dick cheney teach her to do that?

are we worried that the mexicans who come into this country and pick the lettuce that mcdonald's puts on your fucking bun, are we worried that they might get sick? and ask for health care?

what's the fucking problem? we don't even give healthcare to our own citizens!

are we worried that they'll go to school?

shit .... our schools suck .... republicans have seen to that .....

and now the republicans have to "reform" the laws so that coming into this country to work becomes a felony ..... and helpiong someone who's come into this country and gets hurt is a felony .... but only after the job is done, of course ..... only after the crops are harvested for con-agra and archer-daniel-midlands .....

what a fine, upstanding christian nation we are!

excuse me .... i must ..... i must .... i ..... blorghahghaghaghaghgahwhuuuuaaaalpppppurfaurfaurfaurfaurfaurfua blugha blugha blugha hack hack hack ......

thank you .... i needed that .....

and thank you, george bush and cronies, for murdering all those iraqis and all our soldiers .... thanks for murdering our reputation in the world .... thanks for driving people out of their homes, thanks for driving them into bankruptcy ..... thanks for ripping medical care and medications away from our seniors and our helpless .... thanks for turning our public lands over to your corporate contributors .... thanks for turning the implementation of evil into a political platform .... it must be a plan to convert people to christianity, because the next world's got to be better than the one you evil cocksuckers are creating .....

next:

dr. pete still intends to talk about bootleg black kangaroos