The Jeffersons

before i talk about tour dates, let me just power boot some arterial blood into this here empty tequila bottle ..... oooooooooo ..... that's really messy, isn't it? and gosh, where to start?

oioooh, i got it .... how about the amendment to the constitution that would prohibit "desecration" of the flag ..... boy, i'm sure glad we've finally legalized fetishism and made a piece of cloth a religious object ..... and boy, there sure have been lots of flags burned in my neighborhood ..... yours too, i'd wager ..... i'm sure glad that my legislators are keyed into the important issues of our time .... and i'm really glad that so many of my democrat representatives truly represent my beliefs and my values, fine people like that fuck-nibbling harry reid and that rancid, wrinkled old douchebag, dianne feinstein .... dianne, why don't you just move to connecticut and lick joe liebermann's shrivelled, flaccid scrotum? mumble his prolapsed rectum with your edentulous gums? both of you so firmly belong in the republican party, why don't you just .....

come out of the closet .....

then, of course, i'm fascinated by the andrea yates trial ..... wow, redneck psychotic spavined trailer park dwelling single mom murders children because god told her to ..... now, remember that i'm the father of twins, so i'm not saying that infanticide is such a bad thing .... in fact, i think that god's got a point: bringing kids into a republican world is an elevator shaft to hard times and hell, and you might want to think about sparing them all that ..... but ..... isn't it interesting how when a single mother hears god telling her to kill her children? she gets prosecuted for acting on god's word?

do you know where i'm going with this?

sure you do .....

how come bush hears god telling him to kill his children (remember, our president is father to us all) and all the children all around the world, and that's stayin' the course (is this a golf course we're talking about? the one in scotland? that abramoff likes so much?) and he ain't no beach sandal so he ain't flip-floppin' but maybe the difference is he's an mba from harvard and so he delegemerates his killin' and so it's okay ....

this god-talkin' stuff, it's bothersome, wouldn't you say?

okay .... i'm done for the moment .....

here's what god tole me to tell y'all ......

i'll be on the east coast in august, appearing with paul kantnor of jefferson airplane and starship fame .... i've been asked to play bass on a "blows against the empire" set, something i did way back when the world was young and green, when i weighed way less, when i had all my hair if not all my faculties, most of my hearing, but the same negative attitude .... i've also been asked to play material from black kangaroo .... on acoustic guitar .....

now, i may be missing something, but i wrote that stuff over thirty years ago for power trios .... you know, for a group that played really really really really really really loud ..... and i haven't given it a thought in decades, let alone performing it on acoustic guitar ..... but i'm going to do it .... and do you know why?

because ..... i wanna be a whore ..... i wanna join mainstream america and prostitute myself out for low dollar, just like our congresspersons and our senators .... i wanna hang out on windy street corners and wear a mini-skirt ..... i wanna have a tube top hiked up over my protuberant belly ......

i wanna get away from my kids .....

here are the dates:

AUGUST

11 - BB Kings/ NYC
12 - BB Kings/ NYC
13 - Patchogue Thr./ Patchogue, NY
15 - Tarrytown Thr./ Tarrytown, NY

but wait! there's more!

i've been asked to perform material from the hot tuna days, so i'm preparing my world-famous "tribute to hot tuna ......" i'll be doing material from hot tuna's exhiliarating amphetamine and cocaine days, as well as material from hot tuna's inspiring heroin period ..... here's how it works: for the speed daze i'll come out and play one verse of keep on truckin', triple time, for two hours ..... then i'll switch gears ..... i'll nod out, fall off the chair, let a glistening trail of snot trickle down my face, gag on my vomit, and try to remember the next verse of keep on truckin' ......

i like the idea a lot, and can't think of a better way to showcase my talents, but ..... i've been cautioned that i might appear to be mean-spirited and harsh ......

i think it's all in good fun, and all in good taste .... but ..... i invite your feedback ...... let me know what you think ......

next: dr. pete falls out of his chair and gags on his vomit

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

7 Comments

Steve Duddy says:

Thanks for telling it like we're feeling it! Your comments about Feinstein/Lieberman had me falling out of my chair at work with laughter. So, tell us hou you REALLY feel about Feinstein, Mr. K!

I did hear/see you play once at the Kabuki back in the spring of '74 when JS was getting ready for the first tour. I remember having a great time. Cymbaline (Lisa) who posts to PKantners site has recommended some of your music so I can broaden my horizens and acquaint myself with your talent. I look forward to hearing you play live again sometime. And thanks for making me laugh!

Submitted by Steve Duddy on Thu, 07/17/2014 - 12:47
Steve shaw says:

Lucky buggers in New York! Damn! Great to hear you will be entertaining the masses. And with Paul Kantner no less. Probably sounds really stupid on my part, but I can still remember where and when I got my copy of blows against the empire, and listen to it often! Too bad you don't have Jerry Garcia around to play his pedal steel and the trippy guitar solos too from the LP. I do find it will be an unique version of black kangaroo on accoustic. Bet you wish you still had your reverse firebird...........Outstanding. Glad to hear you will be out and about. graybeard

Submitted by Steve shaw on Thu, 07/17/2014 - 12:47
"Wildman" Dave says:

Doc, all I can say is- Hot Tuna Loves You! LOL!

Look forward to seeing some video of you from these upcoming shows...I think it's great you're doing this, especially the classic tunes..much success to you!

Submitted by "Wildman" Dave on Thu, 07/17/2014 - 12:47
Steven Schuster says:

So, Petey,

If you bite the hand that feeds you, up to the elbow, who needs Purina Guitarist Chow?

Steven

Submitted by Steven Schuster on Thu, 07/17/2014 - 12:47
Jean-Marc says:

Hold on brother ! We've got the same shitty ones in France, in Europe, and everybody's looking the football world cup on the tv... Revolution-evolution... hope your gig went up well !

Submitted by Jean-Marc on Thu, 07/17/2014 - 13:42
Jean-Marc says:

Hold on brother ! We've got the same shitty ones in France, in Europe, and everybody's looking the football world cup on the tv... Revolution-evolution... hope your gig went up well !

Submitted by Jean-Marc on Thu, 07/17/2014 - 13:42
Maureen Valley says:

Hay-Soos. Well. I'd pay any amount of money to see Peter fall out of his chair and gag on his vomit...oh...wait...there's the snot thing, too. That would be two tour de force performances for the price of one. With the prices I happen to know that Starship commands these days.....some body fluid emissions is expected. Gosh...will they be taking requests as to what (emissions) and out of what (orifices)? I already have mine scratched out on a cocktail napkin and ready to ball up and toss onto the stage along with a variety of other unmentionables.

PK if you need a gold lame' mini skirt with matching thong....(on loan, of course....I have my own agenda).............

Well...you know who to call. Better yet...come to Florida and pick them up in person.
M.V.

Submitted by Maureen Valley on Thu, 07/17/2014 - 13:42

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