Piss On Earth, Land Fill For Men

michael and i played on krsh.fm last night; we had a great time and, if you didn't hear it, it may still be possible to access the broadcast via krsh.com .... i don't know how this computer pod stuff works, so don't take my word for it, but go ahead: check it out .... thanks to andre at krsh; a most gracious host and a knowledgeable man, he provided an all-around pleasant atmosphere for playing and chatting ....

the archives are flying off the shelf but there are still copies waiting for you .... contact me directly for order information; still $!@#!$ with the #@%$%@$ website to get the commerce section of my website functional again .... thanks, corporate america, you ^%(&%*^&$&$@$%^*)(^%$for being so responsive and so responsible .....

speaking of responsive and responsible, i just love the celerity with which the bush administration has responded to the mandate of the mid-term elections, in which republicans were swept out of office like dried catshit off a linoleum floor, while american voters succinctly said, "yo .... DICKhead ..... yo ..... dickCHENEY ...... yo ..... BITCH! GET OUT OF IRAQ!" ....... not to mention that cute little coffee table book, the iraq study group's report on .... what was the name of that place?

shit .... the iraq study group .... a bunch of old white guys, including james "i'll fix it for you, mr bush" baker, but not including anyone who was ever against the invasion, or anyone who wants an immediate withdrawal of occupying troops from iraq ...... it's like a genteel book club of blue-haired tea-drinking old ladies that gets together every year to discuss "the bridges of madison county" and the character development and soft-focus penetration of francesca, the war bride ....... yup, a whole lot of fuckin' goin' on .....

and now our fearless press is up to the same old fearless press routine, which is ....

polishing turds .....

you know, if you're a gifted professional, for whom reportage is more than just an avocation--for whom it's a calling--you know that it's not wise to breathe the dust ..... you've got to polish your turds under water .... so the press is now asking penetrating questions like, did he read it? is he listening? is he going to make a decision? is he ..... still alive? is he breathing? should we pull the feeding tube? do the dead walk? do we need to put vasoline on his lips so they don't crack? and flip him over? so he doesn't get fucking bed sores?

am i making any sense?

they're trying to make profound, or parse responses like, "iraq ..... it's bad ..... it's ..... tough ......"

what about this response? here's another direct quote: "we're not leaving til the job is done and we've ..... 'complished our ..... mishun ....."

hey, assholes .... yes, you in the press ... and all you voters ..... does "fuck you" mean anything to you?

what about this, from the new york times? "today the emperor showcased his beguiling and mesmerizing new wardrobe, paid for at great expense by debits from a debilitated treasury ..... the fit was nothing short of stunning, the material gauzy, diaphanous, and woven by slave laborers in china who, blinded by the detail work, long hours, and poor working conditions, were immediately harvested by organ transplanters, their fresh young livers sold to republican donors ...."

the article goes on to say: "fifty-four bullets of diverse calibrations riddled the body of an eight-year-old who had the temerity to offer a critique of the emperor's new clothes ..... the brave agents who protected our fearless leader were immediately awarded the medal of freedom for their heroic response ...... press members, take note, and be judicious in what you say and to whom you might fucking say it ....."

bang bang bang bang bang bang bang ........

george, the decider, still hasn't decided ..... well, let me take that back ..... we all know he's decided, and we know what the decision's going to be: "you're fucked .... ha ha ha ha ha ha ..... ha ha ha ha ha ha ......" still, there's the "secret plan" that was supposed to come out before christmas .... i was looking forward to hunkering down, checking out the presents underneath the tree, and unwrapping a secret plan for peace, democracy, windfall profits for exxon mobil, drilling in alaska and the san francisco bay, and a new set of monitoring devices, hanging next to the sparkling angel playing the harp on the lower branches ....

but the "secret plan's" been put off 'til the new year, probably because we're waiting for the "double secret don't tell anyone it's so secret that not even george knows what it is yet but i'm sure it'll be a lot more of the same only we'll come up with some spiffy new names for it like "quadruple bypass bold leap forward into fun 'n' sun 'n' freedom" plan .....

i'm sure the one hundred or so grunts who'll get their tits 'n' clits 'n' shits blown to pieces'll appreciate the need for secrecy; hey, wouldn't want our implacable foes to know what our plans are, would we? they might--ha ha ha ha ha--use that knowledge to their advantage .... and kill some of our guys ..... still, it was a good day in baghdad: they only found twenty-two bodies there in the last twelve-hour period .....

get it together, guys; you're not meeting your quotas ......

secret plans .... secret plans ..... gee, makes me thank of nixon and kissinger and westmoreland and that fun bunch ...... yep, we've got a secret plan here to end this war, but we can't tell you what it is; you'll have to .... ha ha ha ..... vote us into office before we can put it into effect ......

correct me if i'm wrong, but ..... didn't that "secret plan" involve the illegal bombing of cambodia and laos? and drag the war out for another five years? with how many tens of thousands of americans dying? not to mention the two million vietnamese?

i love the way those republicans have secret plans ...... mmmm mmmmm goood!

is one of their secret plans taking a page from the putin playbook and giving senator tim johnson a polonium suppository, so they can keep control of the senate?

you tell me, but remember ..... george looked into putin's eyes and found him a "kindred spirit ....."

one more thing, then i'll bleed out in the tub .....

i see that some liberals are offended by a game that's been out for six years, the one where christians get to convert--or kill--the unbelievers .... yes, those liberals want wal-mart to pull it off the shelves ...... like, the day wal-mart starts cutting into company profits is the day i'll be born again, but that's not the point .....

gee, doctor pete .... what's the point? why don't you get to the fucking point?

okay, then .... here's the point: hey, mr. liberal ..... let people buy whatever game they want to ..... the real point is, you should face up to what our christians are all about: they want you dead ..... they think that killing you is not only a great idea, it'd be a lot of fun ...... do you know what this means?

it means, you can't talk to them, you can't dialogue with them, you can't build bridges of madison county to them: as far as they're concerned you're less than human, you're useful only as landfill, and they've already got the wait staff at god's right hand filled out so, if you make it out alive, you'll just make it into slavery ....... better learn how to deal with 'em, real fast, because they're like a virus on viagra, cockroaches on coke, and the only birth control they practise is shooting doctors ......

just remember ..... mormons figured out a long time ago it was much easier to convert dead jews than it was to mess around with living ones .....

next: dr. pete gets into the holiday spirit