Untitled Number 98.5

i recently finished a rock wall that i've been working on; it's drywall construction, built up out of lava rocks .... the rocks limn a slope and, when the rocks had settled in place i filled the declivity behind them with potting soil, soil amendment to break up the clay underneath it, and compost from my compost heap .... oh, don't go thinking that i'm some kind of organo freak; i spray my roses: the only reason i compost now is that the compost container was a wedding present ....

think about that: a compost heap for a wedding present!

still, i've been composting for years; it takes all the coffee grounds that come out of my kitchen, as well as all the vegetable scraps and other orts and bits .... worms love coffee grounds, and i've got the peppiest fucking worms you've ever seen: pop the top of the composter and it's like tanned spaghetti on speed ..... robin, my wife, doesn't go near it, and the boys haven't discovered it yet, but when they do, they'll go nuts .... boys and worms, it's a marriage made in heaven ....

i planted a border of chrysanthemums along the rock wall, a palette of nice fall colors, a nice border to look at while i plan out the rest of the bed and .... the next morning i walked out and the flowers were all gone: the deer had come in during the night and smorgasborded their fucking brains out .... to add insult to injury, there was a fresh pile of bambi bullets right next to the clipped tops of the chrysanthemums: those flowers had gone right in one end and out the other ....

and i'm sorry to say that the first thing i thought was .....

those fucking deer, they're just like republicans, aren't they? they have no respect for boundaries or private property; they see something they want and they go after it .... it doesn't matter what it might be: oil, kiss it goodbye; coal, adios motherfucker; your dog, gone in a georgia minute; your wife or significant other? asshole stretched so wide a 747 could turn around inside it and never touch a wingtip to a cloacal wall .... and, just like the deer, after privatizing whatever it is, they shit all over; they just go and make a fucking mess out of it ....

think i'm making this up? do the words "oil" and "iraq" mean anything to you? coal? right now they're out in west virginia, ripping the tops off of mountains and shovelling the debris into the streambeds below .... oh, no, that won't block the flow or put heavy metals into the ground water or cause any problems, and anyway we wouldn't want the government to interfere or monitor companies that are perfectly capable of policing themselves, just like all the little foxies in the henhouse do .....

oh, those repugnicans, they're a beautiful bunch, all right, and they're hittin' their stride as they grease their way toward the end of king george's rule .... the rule of law, is what i mean .... did you know that if you're a republican you can plead guilty to something and then, in spite of years in congress, of what we must assume to be years of exposure to legal natter and chit-chat, say you didn't know what that meant? or that you had someone's dick in your mouth while you ... mmmpphhh .... nnngggghhhh ..... schlorpurggggllle .... mmmmpppphhhhh .... plead naughty and so it doesn't count ha ha, it doesn't count, it doesn't count, just foolin', just foolin'!

i've said it before: these people aren't hypocrites because, well .... because hypocrites are people, and these creatures are spawn of the dark lord who heed neither the laws of god nor man, neither do they honor the beasts of the field nor the fowl of the air, nor are the fish of the sea safe from their depredations and evil ..... please don't say that king george is a hypocrite for exercising his fourth veto .... ooooooooooo ..... he's made FOUR DECISIONS while he been workin' at de orifice! and it's hard work! yes, when you're simpleminded, making decisions is hard work--on SCHIP, the insurance program for children because it would ..... ooooooo .... bring us closer to ..... eeeeeeeeeeee ...... socialized health care ......

like that's a bad thing .....

insuring children .....

in this culture of life, right terry?

and it costs so much .....

now can i have another 200 billion for this week's fun and games in eye-rak and doncha say no to me you dummercats or i'll tell the murkin peeple that you sof' on terrrssm .....

a friend recently sent me graphic proof of how abysmally ignorant the american sheeple are: "can you name a country that starts with the letter "u" ...."

"mmmmmmm ...... u-goslavia?"

there was also a frenzied defense of the flat world and i can't even go on, it was so .... so ..... republicanifying .....

so i'm not surprised that people still think saddam hussein personally piloted a 747 into rudy giuliani's hip pocket on september 11; nothing fucking surprises me in this country any more, not where stupidity, greed, avarice, psychotic narcissism, and surgically enhanced breasts are concerned .... and, hey: why doesn't jen surgically enhance her face? it'd give her a better chance with brad, you know what i mean?

will someone tell me who jen is? and why she lives in my supermarket? doesn't she have a fucking home?

what else has been in "the news" lately? well, it's open season on rugheads if you work for blackwater .... but there'll be an investigation .... oooooooo .... an investigation ...... and rush limbaugh called some soldiers "phony soldiers;" i'm sure their parents will be glad to know that their sons who became phony soldiers died phony deaths and their grief at their phony loss is phony grief but .... there won't be any censure of rush, and why would there be? we only have democrats censuring move-on.org for their inane play on words a few weeks back .....

and i see torcher's back in the news again .... fucking gautama buddha help us! these fuck-sniffs are still equivocating about torturing people and it's all okay because it makes america safer and you know i can't argue with that i guess i'm safer because i haven't had a 747 fly into my house lately and certainly not one piloted by saddam hussein oh he's dead is he? he's a bad man, a bad man, and when they're that bad they'll fuck with you even after they're dead and then i heard one of my favorite ass-munchers, david brooks from the knee jerk crimes, talking about how it isn't really torcher it's just some guys in the government who are so dedicated to protecting us from terror that they're tougher guys than most guys and tough guys do what it takes to do tough things and wouldn't it be neat to be a tough guy and ....

about this time is when i threw the radio out the window, hoping to hit the fucking deer that have bedded down underneath the guava tree in my front yard ....

you know what these fuck-licks are like? fuck-licks like david brooks are like the toadies on the schoolyard, sucking up to the school bully: ooooo, biff, you're so neat, can i carry your books and watch you spatter the teeth out of that little jewish boy just don't hit me but i don't care if you get some blood on me, a little blood on me is really masculine and the girls'll think i'm tough and i think you're really neat and it'd be neat to be as tough as you and i love that bulge in your pants ooooooooooo oooooooo oooooooooo being tough is so .... so ..... tough!

oh, believe me: the whole republican thing is beyond hypocrite: they're like sociopathic children, just doing whatever it is they want, saying whatever comes to mind to justify their doing whatever it is they want, whenever it is they want to, but still trying to maintain a pretence of belonging to the human race, even though their eyes are vertical slits that never blink in the sunlight, the hair on their head an unreal plasticine coif, like the plastic sculptured hair topping on the head of a ken doll, only it's a silvery color, shit, if my hair were that color i'd spatter it with shoe polish or catshit just so i wouldn't look like newt gingrich the most artificial looking fuck i've ever seen, with an obsidian basilisk stare opening into the void of their soulless inhuman being, while they lay their eggs inside humans, living humans, and the eggs hatch and feed, the larvae feed on the entrails of human beings and .....

no wonder the democrats won't say "boo" to 'em, even if we are coming up on halloween ....

i wish we could spread some democracy in north america, you know? because right now we've got 80% of the people wanting us to get out of iraq one way or another, and the response of our selected--and they weren't selected by we the people--officials is to say, fuck you, i'm cutting taxes and funding this war by not insuring your children and if they get sick it's because they wanted to and they didn't take care of themselves and they've got health care just go to the emergency room so you can lose your house when the healthcare corporation comes after you with its big guns and attorneys and you've maxed out the credit card you didn't apply for the one that's got an annual rate of 35% compounded daily and you can't refinance your house because you had one of those adjustable rate mortgages that just hit 14% and now we're going to further cut taxes on the upper .000001235% because when they let you clean their yards it stimulates the economy and their prostates and that's what constitutes leadership in this fucking country .....

the democrats can suck my dick, too .... oooooo ..... let's have another investigation of something, and another non-binding resolution about how resolute we've resolved to be .......

jesus ....... what a bunch of hemorrhoidal tissue ......

and then of course there was national prickhead radio doing it's "war toy of the week" program, the announcer getting an audible woodie, asking "is the osprey ready for service in iraq?" fucking god what is it with these fucking people it's just another "we're the best we've got the greatest technology it's so good that's why people with boxcutters took our airplanes and why most of our soldiers are being killed by homemade bombs made out of explosives we didn't guard so anyone would walk in and take whatever they wanted and shit we did that because we're not in business to go out of business if you know what i mean i mean what good is a defense industry if there's nothing to defend against?" and it's not like the insurgents and why aren't they freedom fighters like they were in afghanistan when the afghanis were fighting the russian invaders have airplanes that you can get into dogfights with the osprey only kills civilians on the ground and ......

now .... on to more germane things ..... did you know that "kaukonen" is spelled "music show?" at least that's how it was spelled on the marquee of the lark theater last week, when i played with michael (not jeff, no matter what they say) lindner on bass and tim gahagan on drums ..... i celebrated forty years of musical anonymity in an hour-and-a-half; we played acoustic blues; acoustic originals; we took songs off of "traveller" (now available on cd! it's a beautiful recording! great artwork! go to the music page! buy it! NOW!); we took songs off of Black Kangaroo .... we ended up playing three piece, rocking and rolling with a hendrix cover, with heavy metal from kangaroo, and with good time pieces from the annals of rock ......

everyone had a great time; i'm sorry you weren't there .....

next time, perhaps?

next: dr. pete doesn't say "fuck" .....

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PETER KAUKONEN, San Francisco Bay Area guitarist, has played, toured, and recorded with Black Kangaroo, Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship, and Johnny Winter.

1 Comment

Nick aka "Enfield" says:

Ya know,,,,,

If the Republic of California and Marin County would allow, my buddies and I would gladly see to it Bambi would never mess with any of your horticultural projects again.

I'm not a mean person. I would gladly head out that way to serve the deer of Cakifornia.

Nick

Submitted by Nick aka "Enfield" on Wed, 07/16/2014 - 11:29

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