Editorials

Are The Voices In My Head Bothering You?

Jul 21, 2006 - Comments: 3

i was esconced at the sink, looking over my freshly picked roses at the headlands beyond, and washing baby bottles, when ..... well, when i heard a voice .......

dr. pete, the voice said; it's time i came down and talked to someone so that i could set the record straight ....

well, i'm rarely at a loss for words and, after years of clinical experience, as well as playing with hot tuna, i'm used to delusions, contusions, and confusions, but even so i was startled. ..... nay, alarmed, even ..... jesus h. christ, i shouted ..... what the fuck!

Here We Go Again

Jul 16, 2006 - Comments: 3

i thought i'd write some snappy, witty little squib, liberally (ooooo .... there's that word again ..... liberal ..... ooooooo) laced with tasty expletives like "republican" and "christian" and "uniter" and "decider" and "assmuncher" ..... but as usual the world bypasses tasteful humor and mordant wit with yet another stunning debacle, another mind-numbing .... i can't even find the words for israel's bombing lebanon .....

Bush League

Jul 05, 2006 - Comments: 1

july the fourth just passed .... and what better way to celebrate our freedoms than by taking advantage of special deals on suv's ..... or watching the grotesque posturing of our republican coterie, as vain and as pretentious and as supercilious as hydrocephalics grunting and gurgling in front of fun house mirrors .....

The Jeffersons

Jun 29, 2006 - Comments: 7

before i talk about tour dates, let me just power boot some arterial blood into this here empty tequila bottle ..... oooooooooo ..... that's really messy, isn't it? and gosh, where to start?

All The News That's Shit We Print

Jun 25, 2006 - Comments: 2

i'm naive, and i don't understand the why or the wherefore of such things, let alone their allure and the compulsion, but ..... the comment section of my editorials gets saturated with mass e-mailings that have headlines like "teenage rape" or "lesbian teenage rape" or "teenage lesbian rape"....

There's No Fuel Like An Oil Fuel

Jun 20, 2006 - Comments: 3

i heard today that there's thousands of national guard troops patrolling the streets of new orleans because of some "teen" shooting deaths there ..... boy, that's a first: we never gave a shit about n*****rs shooting each other before ..... oh, i remember .... new orlean's gonna be a gated community, and you don't want any uppity darkies running around with firepower, no way ..... gotta say one thing about the bush: he's a uniter, not a divider .... why, i can't tell the difference between new orleans and baghdad, can you?

Mad Dogs And Englishmen

Jun 11, 2006 - Comments: 1

in 1953 we were living in washington, d.c., and my father had just returned from one of his trips overseas ..... it was exciting to have dad back, but it was even more exciting because he brought a houseguest .... my father met alex josie while travelling through the orient ..... over the years my father would build up an extended network of people, a network that made him a formidable diplomat, a thoughtful and insightful analyst, and a man respected for his integrity wherever he went .....

Obscene Worse? ....... No Way!

Jun 07, 2006 - Comments: 3

i'll try to be short and to the point today; i'm too busy puking blood, spatter-painting my foyer with arterial clots to write much .....

last week i wrote about how the nazis codified torture and mandated the presence of doctors at their gestapo "interrogations" .... today's associated press reports: "The U.S. military issued medical guidelines Tuesday for the treatment of prisoners, formally directing doctors at Guantanamo Bay and elsewhere to force-feed hunger strikers whose lives are in danger and granting doctors a limited role in interrogations." [italics mine]

Not See .... Just Us .....

Jun 02, 2006 - Comments: 1

"In a 1989 Supreme Court case, the late Justice Thurgood Marshall listed some of the signs cops have used in deciding that an air traveler fits the profile of an illegal drug courier: The traveler was the first to deplane; he was the last to deplane; he bought a round-trip ticket; he bought a one-way ticket; he took a nonstop flight; he changed planes; he had no luggage; he had new luggage; he had a gym bag; he was visibly nervous; he looked too calm ....."

AAAAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA

May 25, 2006 - Comments: 0

okay .... color me wrong ..... but ..... AAAAAAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ..... excuse me .... that just slipped out .... i don't know where that came from ....

i was saying AH AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, YOU LIZARD SCUM! FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING REPTILE FUCKS! ....

golly! what's going on? what is this? could it be ..... demonic possession? am i channelling some ancient and wise figure?

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